Have You Met Me?

... was one line in a conversation I had with Brandon recently. Let us examine the entire conversation, shall we? Brandon has been to Boulder Mountain three times in the last few months and he was showing me some gorgeous pictures. I got really jealous and it went something like this...

Dang, Brandon. What does that feel like to just have peace for four days? Don't you realize I haven't spent one single day away from Anika since she was born? You're such a B, rhymes with astard. (The astard was friendly and light and I really did say B, rhymes with)

Well, why don't you go somewhere then? I'll watch Anika anytime you want to go away for the weekend. Just plan something.

Well, what would I even do?

You love to fly fish. Why don't you go fishing?

But you're the only one to go fishing with. I don't exactly have a lot of girlfriends that would like to go on a fishing trip.

What you need is a new hobby to keep you happy. Why don't you learn to knit? Or play the piano?

Those three sentences rocked me to the core. Was I just now discovering my husband doesn't know me at all? This rift, this fault could wreck all that is good. And I replied...

Have you met me?
I was thinking of something a little more exciting. Like calling the plumber...

Enter: The Plumber. Calling him is my euphemism for extramarital affair. Brandon has this plumber friend, Lael. Brandon always told me that when I met him, he knew I'd want him. This made me feel good. (So Brandon knows my type?) I finally met Lael and B was right... I guess he does know me. Janna wants Lael too and we joke openly with our husbands about calling the plumber. I'm sorry, The Plumber.

...Or a girls' trip out of town. Or shopping and pedicures. Or fishing. Or a booze cruise, hell, I don't care. As long as I can sleep in and not watch cartoons when I wake up or sit and tie knots to nothing but the sound of a babbling brook. But knitting? You really think knitting will fill the empty space? And you can visualize that... me? knitting? How does your brain even conjure up that image?

Well, I don't know...


And that was the gist of it, my friends.

One thing that really has surprised me about motherhood is how much I need something of my own. I didn't see that one coming and thought I would be totally content making dinner, nesting, etc. And I mostly am. But I feel so much better when I have something going on that is totally mine. It surprises me how much I need this. I'm thinking after I have this baby and the grenade wounds down there heal and my milk regulates and my nipples scab over and the baby is sleeping well and The Nothing is gone and my hair has all fallen out and then grown back in and when things mellow out... I think then I would like to start teaching ballet again. I need it. I need something to call my own, to escape to.

Is this why women read romance novels? Escape? Should I forget hobbies or employment and just pick up some good ol' fashioned cliterature?

It's my own fault I have not made time for myself to get AWAY.

Is this so not the essence of nearly every Oprah episode you have ever watched since the time you were fifteen? Moms need to make time for themselves. For the good of everybody.

Like I always say... If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!