Sometimes the light's all shining on me
sometimes I can barely see
Lately it's occurred to me
what a long, strange trip it's been.

-Grateful Dead

CHRISTMAS MORNING

MAGICAL

I don't think there's ever been a more magical Christmas! It's snowing! I put the baby doll underneath the tree. I'm stuffing our dirty old socks with oranges and candy. I'm eating Janna's pumpkin cheesecake. I love my family. I love this life. I looked outside at the snow and cried literal tears and then jumped up and down screaming for joy. Brandon and I slow danced to Christmas music in the glow of the Christmas-tree lights. TMI? (we're dorky, I know) I can't wait to see the look on Anika's face when she sees her baby doll. Merry Christmas to you all. I love you guys.

Little Kid Again

Not since I was a kid have I been so excited for Christmas. I see everything through Anika's eyes now so everything is exciting again.... the zoo, Christmas, the park, EVERY DAY. I can't wait to see the look on her face when she gets up and sees her Cabbage Patch Kid and all her presents. It's been a long time since I've lost sleep on Christmas Eve but it just might be happening this year. Having Anika is like getting to be a kid all over again.

Journal of Summer

Sometimes at the end of an era I would jot down as many words or phrases that came to mind that reminded me of that era. In the Journal of Summer I cam across my phrase collage of the Summer of 1998. It brought back so many things I had forgotten... Maybe they could bring back some memories for you?


June 20 one way ticket- Ciara's- Paul's- swimmage- golf course swimming- b & u swimming- Pamela Lee- skinny dipping- full moons- aspen jumping- Kolob mountain- Glazier- pretty much- ramen- Fire on the Mountain- Shakedown Street- fireworks- cherries- right technique- Ci and Darrin in my hammock- feet- Havasupai- Zion- glow worm- Havasupai in 40 hours- raging tempesets- goldenboy1- goldenboy 2- Jeremy's picture- tattoos- butterflies- green salad- peaches & cream- popcorn- sewing pants- skirts- hooded sweatshirts- canals- skimboarding- Run to the Sun with Omar and Diane- Leaf hats- rooster alarm- PPP- sage- cornmeal- eating aspen- prickly pear cactus- sunrise breakfasts- spirit pouches- Narrows- What the?- Uncle Sam- Bull- Spin the bottle brawl- Mexico in one day- 555 MEXO- kill me now, kill me later- Lake Powell- Marty- Spencer- Paul- Crazy crap- fugitive- thumb slammage- smell good blanket- all smell goodness- clothes swimming- 40 below reservoir- Oak Grove- dutch oven- aspen crafts- never ending wild onion hunt- Lake Mary- Rockville Lake- windsurfing- knee boarding- air chair- sunday at Travis'- tevas- thongs- braids- dirtballs- 3 in 1man tent- run baby run- fortune smiles- Paul's haircuts- big dipper- perseid meteor showers-repelling- bridge jumping- falling stars- Eric's- plastic deer- wild turkeys- Vivarin- wild flower hats- water snakes- ambushing- cinnamon rolls- no bakes- Ci's Grandma- peas underneath mattress- zion swimming hole- our song- see are uh- Josh- Beaver Falls- hammocks- porch swings- sunsets- ice cream- fruit- tree by darrins- Savers- "would you look at that"- the D- Marty's party- bike rides- Nicole's brownies- pencil trash can- collage- same things at same time- arms flailing- "laugh your brains out"- do ya do ya do ya do ya wanna dance?- stripper Nicole- frisbee- vernon worthen- team buttercup lives- train wreck scrapes and scabs- subaru- LedZeppelin tattoo- lightning shows- lightninging- laundry- gravity talk- The Ultimate End- tail lights- Ciara speeding- Greg and Joe- pulled over 100 times- running in sprinklers- Enfuego- Run to the spotlight- boulevard home furnishings tv watching- Toquerville Falls- lazy river- peeing bonding- fireballs in sky- super squirells- anti-hammock sleeping- yes, even supermodels- lead the universe- latrines- 149 flies- blanket fort- BBQs- stickers- psycho- ropebridges- MTC sidewalk chalk- deja vu of deja vu- serious- dead serious- sarcastic- suction falls- sleeping on Aframe roof- potatoes- flat tires- never a flashlight- hidden canyon- Wes the park ranger- Robert's wedding- 5:17 a.m. runs- picnic table- moving Paul's car everyday- trampoline sleepage- "waiting for the sun" (the doors)- Mike- Dr. Mario- Paul's robe- Chris- negative on the Noage- negative on the chaffage- walk to Eric's- donuts- grahm crackers- preying mantis- kinkos- spiffless days- volleyball- "shoot me in the morning, shoot me in the evening, shoot me at brunner time"- brunner- POPGER- "remember that time on earth"- kayaking- death to America- "I'm in"- "you're always in"- "girl"- rock on with your bad self- "stallagtite, stallagmite, stallag shutup"- Rocks by the gay people- no gas- 1-800-COLLECT THONGS- supermodel ad birthday- BLM- date de la dull- tent de la love- letter bombs- American woman- American girl- Woman- Nicole's stove- Nicole's house sardines- "how fun is this?"


WOW, I really wish I hadn't done that. It was longer than I thought. It really brought back some memories but I'm just stumped with a few of them. Maybe you could help me out with:

Enfuego
pencil trash can
POPGR
letter bombs
negative on the no-age
picnic table
plastic deer
555-MEXO

How is it that something your brain once knew and felt important enough to write down, you can no longer remember? I'm seriously stumped. Please help me out if you can.

DANG- WE SURE WERE ENERGETIC AND BUSY!

Big B

Brandon has been home recovering and now that he is doing better he is getting quite bored. So bored, in fact, that he started making videos of bobble head elves on elfyourself.com He created his own blog to put it on. I doubt he will ever post much. Maybe a few times a year about a fishing trip to Boulder or something. No one loves fishing more than the Brandino, thus the bigbrookie address. CLICK HERE. I will also add him to our buddies.

Williams - UFC Herb

Turkey Bowl Football on Thanksgiving day. Ashley (Herb's sister) is going in for the tackle.

Herb joined a fight club gym and actually pays money to get beat up. He comes home with black eyes, split lips, and bruised body parts. This is him all dressed up in his UFC attire before he goes to class. He wants to fight in the octagon someday:) People are going to think I beat my husband:)

Williams - Snow Day

That is right, it is a snow day today. No church. Typical for snow in Oregon. After 8 years we are used to church being cancelled on account of snow. One of our friends in the ward called me and couldn't believe they cancelled (she is from SLC). I had to explain to her how different the snow is here. Sheet of ice is more like it. It snowed all day and has not let up. Pretty unusual. The news was calling it the Artic Blast:)

Williams - Herbie's Toilet Fettish

Herbie decided to flush a bar of soap down the toilet. After multiple overflowes, this is Herb a week later still trying to unclog it. I think he enjoyed it a little too much. Who thought a bar of soap could do so much damage. The snake didn't work so he went out and bought a plunger that shoots CO2 into the toilet and he blasted it with three of those and now it works like a charm. Don't let Herbie near your toilets!

She may look sweet and harmless...
"Who me? I'm just a sweet little cuddly baby."













Look a little closer...

Anika Cullen bit me right on the neck.
She took a big chunk with her razor-sharp front tooth.

Speaking of vampires, I finished the Twilight series last night. Edward, darling, I miss you.

Has anyone read Meyers' next book The Host? Would you recommend it?

all this talk of the rock...

... makes me think someone should rock me every now and again. Maybe that would solve my anxiety and restless nights. If, every time I woke up at 4:05 AM (which has been this entire week of tossing and turning) Q rocked me back to bed, I might not dream of my students trying to kiss me and then light my couch on fire.... still can't look at that one the same way.

Ever think, if only you were split into four people, you might actually get something done? I've been working 11 hours straight at work every day this week and I finally cracked today. Some kid, a girl no less, made me cry. Now, me crying is not unusual. Tears frequently adorn my cheeks when a correct possessive plural noun graces an essay or a thesis is extended with no prodding, pushing, or torture... tears of joy- the kids eat it up and it makes my job loads of fun- the tale of Mrs. Had breaking down in a moment of pure English bliss spreads like wildfire and they all start working harder to make me shed a few again; but today I lost it. Tears of anger, frustrations, and hopelessness after 20 minutes with this girl. She may be the one student I cannot reach... which makes me even more angry. Kicking and fighting with determination in my heart and soul, back I will go for another and yet another round with her. I will loose. I will neglect every other student, I will be seen sweating, spitting, and nose running, but it won't matter. The flem, the explaining, the praying won't mean a hoot. I will loose with this one.

Maybe if there were a few more of me, I could talk myself out of caring that she fails my class. Actually, maybe I am there now.

On the bright side, I am convinced 90% of my 9th graders could hand their Iranian Revolution epository essays into a college 101 class and get a good grade. Speaking of rocking: Rock on!

Hooked on THE ROCK

Alright, I've read all the books that talk about putting your child to bed awake so they can learn to self-soothe. I TOTALLY AGREE. It's a skill they need and so that's exactly what I did... not until she was 9 months. She was a pro at it. I would sing to her or read in the rocking chair and then plop her in her crib and walk out. Within minutes she would be asleep. The last time she was really sick I rocked her every night. I figured since she wasn't feeling well she would need it. That's when the habit started. She has been well forever now and... I'm still rocking her.

I love those last few minutes of her day. She looks up at me and smiles. Sometimes she sticks her feet up to my mouth so I can kiss them. Sometimes she talks about her day... parks, dogs, ducks. And then she dozes off nice and peaceful in my arms. I really enjoy it. It's the best part of MY day.

I know I need to go back to putting her to bed AWAKE but true to addict form, I keep putting it off. "Oh, she had a bad day today, she needs to be rocked" I tell myself. I come up with some excuse every day.

So, what's so bad about rocking her, you may ask? Sounds good for both of you, right? Sure, until she starts crying in the middle of the night. When she doesn't soothe herself to sleep then she wants me to rock her if she wakes up in the middle of the night. It's impossible to resist because I, myself, am so dead tired that I will do just about anything to get her back to sleep so I can sleep.

Pretty much I know I need to start putting her down awake again like the old days. She was such a pro! And I am such a sucker. I really like snuggling her and I keep thinking how she isn't going to be little forever and one day I wont be able to rock her anymore. I plan on quitting this habit but... couldn't I have just one more day?

Impulse Control

You might enjoy this little story:

It had been a stressful day. Anika was sick. Brandon was recovering from surgery. I had just rinsed out Brandon's barf bowl, wiped Anika's snotty nose, and somehow wrestled my huge butt into mysteriously shrunken jeans. Out the door finally! To... the post office. Anika threw a big fit when I walked in and tried to stand in line. She took one look at all the strangers and started arching her back and screaming. By the way, she currently will not go within 20 feet of an LDS church without doing the same charade. But that's a story for another day.

So, have you ever turned onto Bluff from Diagonal? It's way hard, especially if you have to cross all three lanes. I was taking my precious time, keenly aware of the Harley bike behind me revving its engine and nearly nudging me. That's when it went black.

"That's it!" I threw it into park along with the E break and... out I came. "Is there I problem?" I squealed. "Well, I've just seen countless opportunities for you to pull out." says the helmetless and much-scarier-than-I-thought biker dude. "Well, I've got my little girl in the car and she is precious cargo so if you have a problem then GO AROUND ME." I was truly yelling by then and then hopped back in the car where my instant-guilt awaited.

Why Alana, why? By now there was a line of cars behind us. Big biker dude went around but frightened lady in white mid-size sedan stayed at least a car length behind me. I glared at her through the rear view. Just try me lady. Just try me.

I was instantly ashamed. How low-life can I get? Concurrently, my horizon card was being printed in SLC. (NO JOKE) Let's see... what else is new? Brandon is home for a month. He is doing better post-surgery. I'll tell you what though... I have never seen him in that kind of pain. I spent that first night in the hospital with him. The morphine drip wasn't touching his pain. He didn't remember half of it though... just the vomiting. He is improving, slowly.

Brandon's parents went and cut us down a Christmas tree! It was like, well... Christmas! It is gigantic... the KING of trees and absolutely magical. They cut it down at night with flashlights and then tied it to the 4-wheeler! They are so fun and spontaneous. I am feeling the Christmas spirit big time now.

Um, what else is new?

Today was the most fun COLD winter day. We have been stuck at home so we had the ultimate Christmas-season day. I made biscuits, lobster bisque, and topped it off with baking gingerbread men. All of it would have tasted that much better with a snow storm.

My Mom is most likely moving in with us for a while beginning January. It will help us and her out just while she tries to find a nice and affordable place. Cara is moving back to Newport Beach. And... Brandon and I are being sued. No, really. I answered the door the other night expecting the Relief Society and I GOT SERVED!

I should really blog a bit more. I hadn't realized how much has been going on.
Thanks Nicole for the fancy new blog template. I will catch you all later.

Oh wait- How can I talk about the last 2 weeks without also mentioning Twilight? I am completely obsessed. Nicole, when you are a famous author, could I solicit you for the position as your personal assistant? You are going to need one of those.

Still going...
So, about me and impulse control. What is with that? I am famous in my family for throwing food but have gone years now, you know... food-throwing-free.
I once threw a ham sandwich at Janna. This wasn't when we were 10- we're talking 3 years ago. That same year I threw a dinner roll at her head as hard as I could. That's not to say I didn't fight with sisters in childhood too. In fact, Janna and I used to brawl like brothers. We're not talking about pulling somebody's pig tails. We're talking sitting on top of a sister and slamming her brace face in with fists until she's catching blood with cupped hands. Janna had this awesome move where she would grab your arms and knee you in the back to get you on the ground. We would get sent to our rooms and soon enough one of us would slip an "I'm sorry, I love you, let's play house when Mom lets us out." note underneath the other's door, and be best friends all over again...

If only I knew where big biker dude lived???...
I perhaps could slip him a note. I might want to leave out the "I love you" bit and most certainly the "Let's play house" bit but... how about...
Can we still be friendsters?

New Banner

Didn't you just love 17?

So, all of my pics of us are in storage and all I could find was this one from the 10-year reunion. Anyone have something better?

ALSO: if you are not an official instigator of the acronym that is JNAC, we still want your pic! Pretty puh-lease send us something smashing of you to:

nhadley@scmiddle.org

(even if you only blog stock or are just tooning in for the first time)

...oh- and Paul, we are absolutely going to need one of you!

Few Things

Sorry- I've disapeared because it's the end of the quarter and we're doing another essay and work is insane... but I wanted to say real quick (so I don't forget):

1.
I have found the key to my depression!!!! I didn't go to the gym or read my scriptures for 6 days during Thanksgiving and by Sunday night I was PSYCHO again. EVen though I saw all of my family, I felt so lonely... so, just sad sad sad. so...Monday I lifted weights and Tuesday I ran 5 miles and I've been doubling up on scriptures so I feel like a normal person again. This is a revelation for me, so obvious I know, but now it has hit me like a ton of bricks that excercising isn't optional anymore- it's manditory.

2.
Next: I've had some hard days at school- the kind where I'm already sweating and flem has replaced all spit by the end of 1st period, but I can honestly say that I have performed miracles. I wish I would take the time to write this stuff down... but there is so much to say. I'll leave it with yesterday: I have a rough class... rough in an unconventional way. They are not disrespectful, it's just that 11+ of them must have constent personal attention, modification and help to even have a chance of keeping up with my rigorous schedule. As a result, I run back and forth between desks like a mad women feeling that if God really loved me, he would split me into peices so I could be in more places than one and actually be able to help them. Such a day was Thursday. I finally had to put three remedial boys together and tell them (my exact words),

"Look, I know you need extra help, but I may not get to you today, honestly, you
are not the priority because I have to deal with 7 other majorly struggling and
problematic kids first. Please try and take what I've told you, do your
best to attempt the essay outline, and I'll check back with you when I
can. I feel bad, but this is public education in Utah and that's the best
I can give you today."

I felt aweful because these boys actually wanted the help so they could work and the others I had to deal with have a complete opposit profile (the kind that I actually pull my hair out in front of them and say, "I'm walking away from you now because I cannot stay by you and your attitude and not do or say something I'll regret, you are waisting my time and my time is valuable, precious, and absolutely should be appreciated by you!"). With 2 minutes left in the day, I finally had the chance to look over the work of the 3 boys again. That's when I lost it completely. They had finished their entire essay outlines correctly by taking the first steps without me and working hard together to finish something I would approve of. I started crying right then and there. Tears streaming down my cheeks in front of 4th period. Not because I was tired or frustrated... but because I couldn't handle how proud I was of them and completely emotionally moved by their effort and accomplishment. They had used the tools I gave them and applied them in a way they never could have or would have at the beginning of the year... or even last week. And they did it all because they cared about me, knew I was insanely busy, and that I still expected the best out of them and would recognize their effort. Miracle.

3.

We are having the HADLEY CHRISTMAS EXTRAVAGANA again this year.

There are invitations

but

(FYI so you can plan in case I don't get one to you so soon)

YOU'RE invited

it's at the cabin

on

SATURDAY DEC. 13th, 2008

bring

a treat, church clothes if you spend the night, and a white elephant gift

It will be loads and loads of fun you DON'T want to miss!

(remember silent football???!!!)

SHARE IN THE JOY

I have wanted an entryway bench just like this since... well, forever. We even pushed our wall back 2 feet from the original plans just so we would have room for one of these to keep all of our shoes and junk. Brandon was going to build it for me, copying this picture but even nice wood costs too much moola.

I have had money on a Pottery Barn gift card sitting around but the bench was still too expensive. I was wishing the gift card could buy diapers instead but lo and behold.. the bench went on sale for 1/2 price so the gift card is even covering the shipping price!!!

This may seem not-so-exciting but to me it made my world this week. And to think: I almost used the $ on the gift card to buy Christmas presents!
Close call! I would have forever
regretted missing out on my blue bench.

I will finally be at peace with my entryway.
Janna gave me some super cute hooks a while back so I'm just going to screw them into an old tattered piece of wood for the top part. Wahooo. Fantasy fulfilled.

Williams - My Big Guns

We went shooting with Herb's family over the Thanksgiving holiday. We had a blast. I have never shot a pistol or an assault rifle and I shot both and I was a good shot too. I was closest to the bulls eye every time. We also shot clay pigeons with a shot gun. Check me out!

Herbie and Sage with the Assault Rifle
Ciara, looking the part

What can I say, I am a natural. Maybe I should be the one joining the FBI

Ciara with the pistol