Sorry- I've disapeared because it's the end of the quarter and we're doing another essay and work is insane... but I wanted to say real quick (so I don't forget):
1.
I have found the key to my depression!!!! I didn't go to the gym or read my scriptures for 6 days during Thanksgiving and by Sunday night I was PSYCHO again. EVen though I saw all of my family, I felt so lonely... so, just sad sad sad. so...Monday I lifted weights and Tuesday I ran 5 miles and I've been doubling up on scriptures so I feel like a normal person again. This is a revelation for me, so obvious I know, but now it has hit me like a ton of bricks that excercising isn't optional anymore- it's manditory.
2.
Next: I've had some hard days at school- the kind where I'm already sweating and flem has replaced all spit by the end of 1st period, but I can honestly say that I have performed miracles. I wish I would take the time to write this stuff down... but there is so much to say. I'll leave it with yesterday: I have a rough class... rough in an unconventional way. They are not disrespectful, it's just that 11+ of them must have constent personal attention, modification and help to even have a chance of keeping up with my rigorous schedule. As a result, I run back and forth between desks like a mad women feeling that if God really loved me, he would split me into peices so I could be in more places than one and actually be able to help them. Such a day was Thursday. I finally had to put three remedial boys together and tell them (my exact words),
"Look, I know you need extra help, but I may not get to you today, honestly, you
are not the priority because I have to deal with 7 other majorly struggling and
problematic kids first. Please try and take what I've told you, do your
best to attempt the essay outline, and I'll check back with you when I
can. I feel bad, but this is public education in Utah and that's the best
I can give you today."
I felt aweful because these boys actually wanted the help so they could work and the others I had to deal with have a complete opposit profile (the kind that I actually pull my hair out in front of them and say, "I'm walking away from you now because I cannot stay by you and your attitude and not do or say something I'll regret, you are waisting my time and my time is valuable, precious, and absolutely should be appreciated by you!"). With 2 minutes left in the day, I finally had the chance to look over the work of the 3 boys again. That's when I lost it completely. They had finished their entire essay outlines correctly by taking the first steps without me and working hard together to finish something I would approve of. I started crying right then and there. Tears streaming down my cheeks in front of 4th period. Not because I was tired or frustrated... but because I couldn't handle how proud I was of them and completely emotionally moved by their effort and accomplishment. They had used the tools I gave them and applied them in a way they never could have or would have at the beginning of the year... or even last week. And they did it all because they cared about me, knew I was insanely busy, and that I still expected the best out of them and would recognize their effort. Miracle.
3.
2 comments:
1. My favorite quote: "Exercise gives you endorphines. Endorpines make you happy. Happy people don't shoot their husbands... they just don't". -Elle Woods.
Also... Tom Cruise is almost dead on. Depression is most likely cured with nutrition and exercise. Why can't everyone give him a break? He's just ahead of his time.
2.Your story almost made me cry. Your work, though crazy hard, is truly meaningful and could merit a ticket to heaven all on its own.
3. Yay! I will truly try to come. Brandon had surgery Monday. He is home for a month, immobile, and invalid. I can't leave him with Anika because he isn't allowed to lift anything. But I bet I could get someone to come over and help with her. And while we're talking about miracles: remember how Brandon turns into the life of the party whenever he goes? So bizarre.
I'm pretty bumbed that Brandon is out. You're right- he is always a big hit! Let me know if you think of anyone else we need to invite.
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