Belly Laugh

I only have three weeks until this baby boy is due so I've been busy tying up all the loose ends. You know... purchasing nursing pads, diapers, panties the size of bed sheets, and pads so indeed "Jumbo", Sea World stocks the identical ones for the afterbirths of their aquatic mammals. The many joys postpartum.

I had to order a bra from Motherhood online because they were out of the one I wanted at the mall. (The Hall) I dread going inside that Motherhood store in the mall. The 'service' is oversolicitous, to say the least. They want your phone number, due date, etc., stopping just shy of a cervical exam. Everything fitting okay in there? Would you like me to strip your membranes?

They watch until you get as far as Pretzel Time and then sell your data to every advertiser in the country. Then come the never-ending samples in the mail. Slews of them.

My bras arrived today. They didn't miss the chance to throw in samples with my online order, either. I started opening them up... coupons, granola bar... and... aaaaand....wait for it.... wait for it...

... Two individually wrapped Sunsweet prunes. Shipped with my bras. As if I'm not already hyper aware of the final destination of my suckled breasts.

Mama had herself a good, long, much-needed belly laugh.

(When is someone going to make a pretty nursing bra instead of these hideous things? Pretty, pink, dainty lace could go a long way. I want to feel like a mother, not a great-grandmother.)