The Family! We are missing a few of the family, but a majority of us were there.
I got some closets and things organized today and I feel like the dawn is breaking. I'm really starting to worry about myself. Could my messy storage closet really have been the root of my negative emotions and anxiety these last weeks? Is it that simple?
Also. Do your husbands have wire boxes? Brandon collects spare wires and electronic parts like a psychopath. Janna's husband, Mike, was hoarding the same when she secretly dumped his whole collection at the D.I. one day. Brandon says that would be the ultimate betrayal.
I was able to reason with him enough that he sat down today and untangled the wire mess enough to get the lid of the box ON the box. Progress.
Remember how I told you my Mom asks me to pluck her gray hairs from the crown of her head? I usually oblige but upon last request found I couldn't stomach it. (What? You didn't know pregnant chicks dry heave at the sight of a scalp rebounding as it relinquishes a follicle of hair?)
So I told her to just go down to the corner and pick up some illegal day laborers she could pay per hair. She quipped, "I'll just tell them they're going silver mining."
poem d'apology:
After friends and I breakfasted yonder Monday,
I returned to my home and was simply dismayed.
I discovered by fault I had worn the wrong bra,
had appeared 10 pounds bigger in fashion faux pas.
Not merely increasing my large silhouette,
I had looked like an ape with side boobs for pets.
A better brazier could have shown them the truth,
that I've really lost weight, I'm no slob! Not uncouth!
I promptly changed slings, no more house bra for me,
and shed 20 pounds in the mirror instantly.
Then I thought, "What a shame," if only they'd seen,
I'm almost back down, not quite fat, not quite lean.
So picture me nigh at that breakfast again,
wearing good lingerie, that makes me look thin.
Keep THAT thought in your head, not the one that you saw-
At that sad morning meal when I wore the wrong bra!
Nicole, the second I heard about your $150 King mattress deal at Downeast, I called Brandon and told him. He has been wanting a new bed basically since we've been sleeping on ours, seven years. So we finally got a real live mattress, like big grown-ups have. Remember how my old one looked like it was made for midgets because all we did was squish two twins together on top of particle board? Twins are shorter than kings and queens.
Our first night on the new bed, I was in shock. Oh, I get it! You mean your shoulder is supposed to sink into the bed slightly so your head can be supported by your pillow? I didn't completely realize we were sleeping on granite and a bed isn't supposed to feel that way. Though, I was grateful for that foam because before that, I was on the floor on blankets for two years.
Anyway, the Big B is going to help me make this headboard...
It will be next-to-free. Just particle board, foam, batting, nail heads, and fabric. This fabric is $50 bucks a yard, faint. Good thing looking for fabric online is my new favorite past time. I hope I find something similar I like for cheaper. Brandon is just making the top half and mounting it directly to the wall behind the bed reducing even further the cost of materials.
Click here to see how purty she is in a room. That room is PERFECT. I wish I could copy the whole thing.
And though I promised I wouldn't touch my sewing machine for a good while, I've started a few more small projects for the baby.
Me thinks I'm nesting.
My cover wasn't totally hideous until it got recalled for an issue with the batting coming out and choking kids. They no longer made my original black and sent me a green plaid one instead, which I used the last months Anika rode in it. I decided to attempt recovering it, which involved taking the entire thing apart thread by thread, making pattern pieces and reassembling. And that was after the hours and hours I spent looking for fabric I liked online.
Anna and Sage at their school party
My little butterfly!
Don't you just love Herbie's face in this one.
Going Goth!
Heading out for the ward Halloween party. 
Of all the quarter machines at Albertsons filled with toys and candy, what does my child choose? Well, the fake mustache machine, of course. I had to ask her politely to take it off before we went to the primary program practice at the church this afternoon.
She must have been channeling Pedro to achieve the identical, vacant look.
My head feels hot.
So I was in the women's clothing department in Target. There were desks set up and I was instructing students how to be court reporters and use stenograph machines.
I was falsely posing as a naval officer, wearing a blue blazer and white pants. When someone questioned my identity and authority, my exact words were, "What? Are you blind?! I'm a naval officer!" (Pretty sure I thought I was the fleet admiral.)
That's when I realized I had better run and fast... before they looked closely at my impostor uniform. I gazed down to realize I was wearing a cheap Publishers Clearing House Prize Patrol blazer, complete with badge.
What do you do if you've already done the laundry and gone grocery shopping? I keep wanting to leave the house to Snow Canyon or the park but don't want to suddenly be rained upon. Anika helped me make my favorite muffins, (they're orange!) which takes 65X longer than doing it myself but at least it kills part of the day and keeps her entertained. Which is nice...
... especially when I just cannot bear the thought of another round of the fishing game. I think I've played it 40 times already today.
Guess it's time to break out the crayons. It's really going to suck when Anika learns to read. Brandon and I wont be able to spell things in conversation we don't want Anika to hear. Things like P-I-R-A-T-E-S-P-I-Z-Z-A or B-A-T-H-T-I-M-E or S-H-I-T.
Also, I wont be able to write things like this inside Brandon's card while I color with Anika. Mommy, what is DO ME?
Don't worry, I don't usually sit around and color dorky cards for Brandon. But Anika likes me to color with her so there you go.
Remember how I mentioned I leave things for Brandon in his underwear drawer to discover? I have left some purely hilarious surprises that still have me laughing... a banana wearing a condom, a falsified pregnancy test, etc. And normal stuff too. Like a card or his favorite tic tacs. He will find this artistic creation in his drawer when he goes for new drawers tonight.
Ever wonder what it's like living with a total weirdo? Brandon could tell you.
... was one line in a conversation I had with Brandon recently. Let us examine the entire conversation, shall we? Brandon has been to Boulder Mountain three times in the last few months and he was showing me some gorgeous pictures. I got really jealous and it went something like this...
Dang, Brandon. What does that feel like to just have peace for four days? Don't you realize I haven't spent one single day away from Anika since she was born? You're such a B, rhymes with astard. (The astard was friendly and light and I really did say B, rhymes with)
Well, why don't you go somewhere then? I'll watch Anika anytime you want to go away for the weekend. Just plan something.
Well, what would I even do?
You love to fly fish. Why don't you go fishing?
But you're the only one to go fishing with. I don't exactly have a lot of girlfriends that would like to go on a fishing trip.
What you need is a new hobby to keep you happy. Why don't you learn to knit? Or play the piano?
Those three sentences rocked me to the core. Was I just now discovering my husband doesn't know me at all? This rift, this fault could wreck all that is good. And I replied...
Have you met me?
I was thinking of something a little more exciting. Like calling the plumber...
Enter: The Plumber. Calling him is my euphemism for extramarital affair. Brandon has this plumber friend, Lael. Brandon always told me that when I met him, he knew I'd want him. This made me feel good. (So Brandon knows my type?) I finally met Lael and B was right... I guess he does know me. Janna wants Lael too and we joke openly with our husbands about calling the plumber. I'm sorry, The Plumber.
...Or a girls' trip out of town. Or shopping and pedicures. Or fishing. Or a booze cruise, hell, I don't care. As long as I can sleep in and not watch cartoons when I wake up or sit and tie knots to nothing but the sound of a babbling brook. But knitting? You really think knitting will fill the empty space? And you can visualize that... me? knitting? How does your brain even conjure up that image?
Well, I don't know...
And that was the gist of it, my friends.
One thing that really has surprised me about motherhood is how much I need something of my own. I didn't see that one coming and thought I would be totally content making dinner, nesting, etc. And I mostly am. But I feel so much better when I have something going on that is totally mine. It surprises me how much I need this. I'm thinking after I have this baby and the grenade wounds down there heal and my milk regulates and my nipples scab over and the baby is sleeping well and The Nothing is gone and my hair has all fallen out and then grown back in and when things mellow out... I think then I would like to start teaching ballet again. I need it. I need something to call my own, to escape to.
Is this why women read romance novels? Escape? Should I forget hobbies or employment and just pick up some good ol' fashioned cliterature?
It's my own fault I have not made time for myself to get AWAY.
Is this so not the essence of nearly every Oprah episode you have ever watched since the time you were fifteen? Moms need to make time for themselves. For the good of everybody.
Like I always say... If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!
Just wanted to let you know that this might be the last post for awhile. I starte school full time last Monday and that means double the homework load. It also means that I stay up late, later than I used to so I can complete homework assignments. Why do I do this to myself? Herb says that I am a masochist since I inflict this pain upon myself. I graduate December 18th and it will be a happy day. I don't know what I am going to do with my free time in the evenings. I will be a new women or I will be hibernating for the winter to catch up on all the lost sleep.
Herbie's started preschool. This is him on his first day. The backpack is a little big. Finally found a small one that I ordered online and it came today. He also had to go to the bathroom right when I wanted to take the pic of him in front of the school door. He attends preschool at a local high school and the students are the teachers. He loves it.Per Nicole's request for information:
I checked out a book from the library called "Top 100 Baby Food Purees" by Annabel Karmel. Here is the link to the book on amazon. Although some of the reviews say to be careful because the author introduces some foods too early. I kind of follow the chart of food introduction suggested in Secrets of the Baby Whisperer (page 124) and then find those recipes in the Puree book. I like the book because it is just basic recipes and very easy to follow. Now that I have done it for 3 months, I hardly use the book so I haven't even bought it, I keep renewing it at the library. I have also gone to the following website but have never used any recipes from there. I have not successfully made any meat baby food which is why I went to this website but I still don't like the consistency and taste of the meat. I am still trying to figure that out. I also purchased ice cube trays with lids at Bed Bath and Beyond. I use a Cuisinart to puree the foods. Good luck if you try this route. I don't know why I didn't even think of doing it with my other kids but I wish I would have.
Did I mention that I make my own baby food? I never did with Herbie and Sage but I began with Nora about 3 months ago and it is awesome. The food tastes good and it is so easy to puree.
This photo is pre-Prince Valium hair.
When I just can't play Bingo or Candy Land one more time I tell Anika that her animals might like to play. She set this whole thing up one morning and drew the cards for Billie dog and Shaggy.
Did you enjoy Conference weekend? It's the weirdest thing when you're watching one guy speak and magically he changes into another guy. Even when I don't let myself get horizontal, I still manage to doze a talk or two.
Yesterday afternoon I turned on Conference and Anika sat herself down on the couch, peacefully watching what she calls 'TV Church'. A little while later I looked over and she was asleep! I should have taken a picture. It was so funny because she hasn't taken a nap for months and months. And not once in her life has she ever just fallen asleep upstairs. She must have found it very soothing.
Well, it's a boy.
I was so nervous about the health of this baby, I thought I was going to have diarrhea on the drive to the doctor. But the baby is healthy and well. Brandon and I both saw it was a boy before the doctor mentioned it. We both thought it was a girl so we were shocked.
I was set on a sister for Anika, not having to change up the nursery or buy new clothes. Didn't this baby realize I have a pair of pink converse in every size? I have to start from scratch now but I'm getting really excited. At least blue is my favorite color.
Driving around town, running errands today I kept tripping out on men. I can't believe I'm going to raise a son. Into a man. I fear the unknown. I fear internet pornography, my family's alcoholic genes and the draft. This whole son thing seems very foreign and scary to me. A boy? Really?
Today's visit was a mere $708. Last month's visit was $446. Also awaiting the lab's maternal serum test bill. C R I N G E.
Better pick some more pine nuts this weekend. (Anika thinks Daddy has been going pineapple picking.)
I drew and painted all of these using Adobe Illustrator. I love that program. Thanks to my friend Andy (a professional artist for Sony) for teaching me so many tips and tricks. 
