old gray mare she ain't what she used to be....

Apparently I have gotten older while the other PF employees have stayed the same age.

ME TO GIRL AT WORK: Wow, you have a really flat stomach!

GIRL RESPONDS: Aw, thanks. I'm sure yours was just as flat when you were my age- and before you had babies.

What the eff? It was a total aha moment for me. Oh, we're not the same age? I walk around thinking I am near-peers with these girls. I realized tonight they think I am a lady. I guess I am a lady. Her comment also made me realize I perhaps was not sucking in as well as I thought.

So just how old was this girl? 18! I thought she was 22 or so. I think I imagine everyone older so I don't feel so out of place. Boy, I bet she hopes she can grow up to be just like me! 10 years gone by- still working at the same joint for extra cash. Serving is one step (maybe) above prostitution.

But guess what? I love going to work, though the whole thing is creeping with guilt. Sometimes I feel so guilty for leaving Anika. And sometimes I feel so guilty for feeling so happy to be leaving home! Either way, it's guilt. I'm the friendliest waitress because it feels like a total vacation from my day job. It's mindless and relaxing. Time goes by quickly. I even get to talk to real live adults.

I told Anika I was going to work tonight and she said, "Mama, glass shop." She thinks when I go to work I go to the shop like Daddy. But when Daddy says he is going to work she says, "Daddy catch a fish." She thinks he is going fishing.

Also: I have visitors this weekend. Jake and Cara arrived from CA today. :)