Pregnant Tin Man

I wish I had some good photos to share. Anika and I went to California last week but didn't take the camera because Brandon was going to Boulder Mountain and he thinks the fish photos are more exciting than photos of his firstborn playing in her first tide pools. It turned out we returned in time to see him for one night before he left for his big trip.

We went to Newport to Cara's first and had a grand ol' time. Cara has floor to ceiling and wall to wall windows in both rooms of her house, with a view of the bay. Gorgeous. We went shopping for Anika and myself (maternity clothes). Anika rode her first escalator and realizing that made me feel like we were visiting from Amish country. She also saw her first motorized carriage... I think they call them automobiles. We visited Jake at his work, the Apple store. That place is insane, they have about forty employees on the floor at the same time. Me, apparently Amish, hadn't seen such a thing. The whole experience made me realize how little I get out these days.

After a few days we headed to Lake Arrowhead to Andrea's house. What can I say? It was heavenly. Cold mornings, crisp fall weather. I even had a candy apple by the lake in the village with the wind in my hair. And what of this extended dose of 100+ in St. George? F word! I need four seasons, people.

What else?

Anika is loving preschool. And loving ballet class even more. She says, "no more preschool, just ballet class." She went to school without looking back, didn't act scared at all. The second day a boy cried and that made her cry. Then she was terrified to go back and came up with all sorts of creative ways to solve her crying boy problem. For instance:

Mom, can you change the crying boy into a ball with Daddy's tools and I will bounce him?

Mom, I will drive you to preschool and I will say, "bye, have a nice day!"

Mom, can you change all the boys and girls into animals so they don't cry?

Mom, can you bring the vacuum and suck up my preschool? (One day I was walking her in to preschool and she was yelling, "suck it up! suck it up!" A few Moms shot me disapproving glances when it dawned on me they must have assumed I had told her to 'suck it up' and go to school. Nope, just my child's active imagination thinking I could vacuum up her entire school. She really believes these things are possible. Should I be worried?)

Can you blow it with your fire extinguisher? (She even went as far as getting the extinguisher out of the closet.)

Her morning prayers went like this... "...and bwess the boy that he turns into a ball. And bwess he doesn't come out..."

I could go on and on with the things she was imagining to do. When I took her back, she barged in and announced through hot tears and at the top of her lungs, "Hey kids! Are you going to be happy today?" As long as everyone is happy, so is she. The crying boy dropped out so now everything is peachy again.

And what else?

I'm a big girl. Apparently on our trip I gained five pounds. (gasp!) I can't do this again. Sure with Anika I gained a respectable fifty but I started out in shape! I can't possibly put fifty on with this one because I started out the biggest of my life. I will be a linebacker before this is through if I don't really start watching it. I had to buy a new sports bra for the gym...unfortunately, my boobs don't get huge like Nicole's. They fail to impress but what doesn't fail to impress is my expansion of back fat, thus the new bra.

Which brings me to my next highly interesting topic. You know how there's always certain couples that make you gag if you accidentally visualize them having sex? (Yes, I'm going to talk about this.) I recently realized that couple is me and B. Quick, hurry, wince, whatever you do don't accidentally visualize it. But you know you just did. I'm sorry. We're that couple where the woman is a linebacker, dwarfing the man and you can't help but think oh that poor, sweet waif of a man, he's gonna get crushed. Precious does Rain Man, anyone?

I'm so looking forward to and planning on getting my body back. It's not so much the skinny thing as it is the feeling thing. I miss feeling strong and flexible and arabesqueing my way around house chores. I feel stiff and large and brittle like the hull of an old pirate ship, agile as its peg-leg captain. I feel like a pregnant tin man and whilst vacuuming the stairs the other day paused to exclaim, "What is this strange beating sensation?!" Your heart, big laaaady!!! It was almost exercise.



Ultrasound on Thursday. I'm terrified. Please be healthy and perfect.

I think it's a girl.

I'm out.