Williams - Tumbling Showcase

Sage - Tumbling Showcase

She has been taking tumbling for a few months and today was their big show.

Williams - 1/2 Marathon

Ashley

Meredith (Bryan's wife)

Bryan

Keren (Mom)

Herb on left

The 5 Williams 1/2 Marathoners

The rest of us raced in the car to mile 4 and mile 10 to cheer on our tired runners.

Boy are we tired!

Williams - I Can Breathe

Well, I can breathe easier. If it weren't for this seasonal allergy issue I am having which I have never had before I might be able to breathe easier. I survived an extremely busy couple of weeks.

I completed the last item on my agenda and that was teaching RS today in church. I taught a lesson on the Holy Ghost and it went really well. Atleast I felt great about it. Enrichment is over, Herb is home from his business trip, and my 4th year overnighter is done.

We had a few tent mishaps and bike crashes but other than that I would say it was a success. I will post a few classic photos from the event. One girl crashed so hard on her bike down a really steep hill because her brakes weren't working. I have never seen someone crash so hard in my life. We cleaned her up, got her a different bike, and she finished the rest of the trail. She was a trooper.

Herb and his friend Aaron (Our fearless Priesthood holders)

Tent with three wrong sized poles. This group of girls brought a gigantic tent and the wrong poles. Herb and Aaron had to figure something out with some rope and the poles they brought. This is the result of the Tepee Tent

Herb and I riding Tandum. Don't we look dorky!

Now the only thing I have left is to finish out my course for school. Two more weeks and then summer vacation. Anyone want to visit me?

You know your in the thick of it when you're still trying to find the trail out of the subway and the sun sets... add to that getting entirely lost on a cliff at 10 pm when you have severe night blindness!

More to come- off to Lake Powell for now.

I LOVE SUMMER!

Williams - My Crazy Schedule

Our crazy life: It may be awhile before I post so just thought I would give an update.

I made 14 freezer meals this last week. We had Sage's party on Saturday and we are in the middle of getting new windows so our Bishop (the contractor) has been working hard around our house. Herb is building me two garden boxes. We bought some native plants and planted them in a bare spot in the front yard. We have curb appeal now. I started a new class and it is time consuming and all the projects have to be done with a team. It ends on June 20th. I was released from my Relief Society calling and then put right back in because a new President was called. I had Visiting Teaching conferences all week. This coming weekend I am taking 20 - 4th year young women in the Stake on their 4th year overnight hike. I am excited about that. Then the week after that I have enrichment which I am speaking at and then the first Sunday in June I have to teach RS. Herb runs in a half marathon in two weeks. And two weeks later we go camping with some friends overnight. Two days after that, I go to Girls Camp for a week. Around July 4th, I will finally be able to breathe and then I will see if I can fit in painting Sage's room and my room before I start school again on July 14th. That is it in a nutshell. So if I am lacking on the posting, now you know why. I might squeeze in a quick look here and there. Love all of you and wish I could see you again soon.

Williams - Sage is 5!!!

Sage's 5th Birthday Party. We had 12 princesses all dressed up at our house for a party. We made cookie castle, had a princess walk, and ate cake and ice cream. Thanks to Herb's sister Chef Ashley for making the beautiful princess cake. We had a great time. What a mess!!

Tips from yours truly:

Stop reading Cormac McCarthy
if you don't want to have apocalyptic dreams
of a world infested with valociraptors.

Don't fall in love with your students
because they always leave
and it will break your heart.

Inform your friends that the last few weeks in May
you WILL fall off of the face of the earth
because work is INCREDIBLY chaotic.

When summer hits there are no more excuses
for why your book isn't finished.
Face it, you may not be able to do this.

Williams - Anniversary

We took a trip to the Oregon coast last weekend to celebrate our 9 year anniversary. Yes, you read the right, 9 years. Where did they go? Bliss and Happiness! We had a great time and enjoyed the beautiful weather and beach. We saw some tide pools, went shopping, ate seafood, and had a hotel room with an awesome coastal view.

Our Pool

Williams - Herbie's 2nd Birthday - April 25th

Celebrated Herbie's and Grandma McClean's birthday with Herb's family. Good Times!

Williams - A Day at the Beach

Ciara, Herbie, Rachel, Grace, Melissa, Maisey, and Sage. We spent an afternoon at the coast with some friends from our ward. It was a beautiful day even though we may look cold. It wasn't windy which is a bonus. The fog lifted just as we left.

Candid shots of Herbie. Getting into mischief. He kept trying to throw mud, rocks, and sticks at the girls. We had a few close calls.

Maisey and Sage

Herbie, Sage, Grace, and Maisey
We are lucky to have some good friends here.

Williams - Easter

Sage and Herbie

Easter Egg Hunt at the church.

design?

me thinks it wasn't this girl's day.
should i be laughing at this?
because i am.
only because it is so. ridiculously. awful.
and funny.

reminds me of robert frost's design.
what had the poor girl to do with being pregnant?
what brought the kindred bear?
what steered the car thither?

design?
darkness, if at all!
if at all,
if at all.

sometimes the world looks like that to me.
faith is a choice.
and a power.

Pardon?

MY MOM TO ME (casually of course, as I am doing my hair and she is watching the news) : Did you know I was a member of the Merchant Marines? I have my I.D. card somewhere....

ME TO MOM: What? I thought you were a flight attendant. (hostess or stewardess in the 60's)


Just when I think I have everything straight my Mom surprises me with some little tidbit from her life. I go around thinking I have been around long enough and should be hearing the same stories repeatedly. Which I do. I have the classics down. I think.

...Then she'll surprise us all at the table with some hilarious story. We'll be rolling on the floor laughing and crying, wondering why she has never told us the story of when she rode a real live horse right into a bar before!? Or about my Dad and his friends (they called themselves The Orchid Hunters) riding horseback across Mexico for three months!? Believe me, if I once had a cowboy boot filled up with beer by the bartender or won a shotgun at an old folks BINGO hall... you all would have heard about it by now.

That small little hand full of stories came to light in one sitting- Thanksgiving '05. (The Thanksgiving I cried in the closet holding my Dad's last can of olives.) And they keep coming. If you're ever bored, come to dinner with all the Jacobsens. I promise you won't be disappointed. (Maybe I'll even throw a dinner roll at somebody like I did here.)


Someone needs to write it all down. My Mom has lived 100 lifetimes worth of great stories, comedies and tragedies, and she is only 69. I beg her to write her history and I'm sure even I would learn new things about her. I keep one of her old Continental cards in my file box, along with my Dad's surveying card. I'll be in touch if the merchant marine card shows up. (or who knows what else.)

Freaky

It's so freaky to watch Anika grow up. I imagined having a baby but forgot she would grow up to be a girl, my daughter. She is so hilarious lately. She is so chatty and cracks me up with the things she says. I love spending the day with her, even if we're just running errands. She's my little buddy, with me constantly, and I cannot comprehend she will keep getting bigger. What will it be like when she is 12? What will it be like when she is a grown woman?

She has a few nick names. They always come about without even noticing I am calling her by them. When she was a baby I suddenly realized I had been calling her "honey girl". I don't call her that much anymore but lately have noticed I call her "squirty" or "silly pants". Where these came from is anyone's guess. The other night she laid her head on my shoulder and rubbed and patted my arm exactly like I do to her back. When she goes in her crib she says "goo night, i wuv you", then does a little kissy sound. She just makes me happy. The happiest happy I've ever known.

total
complete
joy

Whoa. Huh. It's not about me.
Thanks for the movie, Nicole.

Credit...

...Where Credit Is Due.

You've got to give Brandon some credit for swimming naked with me in the Colorado River during commercial rafting season. He really surprised me with that one. And many others too. Like when we slept outside in the rain on Hell's Backbone. Or the time we tempted lightning on Boulder Mountain? And what about the time he spent an entire afternoon harvesting coconuts from the tree in St. Thomas, just for me?

The fact is, these days Brandon is way more of a good time than I ever imagined. "I ain't the girl I used to be, am I?" I ask him often. Brandon responds silently with just a little smirk and giggle as if to say, "Hell no you ain't!" Taking Anika to dinner with us is so daring it just feels like I am being CRAZY! Adventure's face has changed. Perhaps he's been spontaneous all along and I refused to see it.

We had a huge fight while dating once because Brandon utterly refused to go to the Mike the Headless Chicken Festival(click) with me. I couldn't fathom building a life with someone who was incapable of taking off at the drop of a hat. (as if that is a quality to look for). Thankfully, I chose wisely. And here's the twist: Brandon turned out to be 10 times the fun I ever thought I was. Mama Alana can be beyond boring lately. (I need a week's notice if I'm going so far as Harmon's.)

But honestly, I don't think he notices a difference. (I don't think he thought I was much fun to begin with.) Brandon is now the life of this party. He plays with Anika every minute he has. I swear, I don't know how he does it. He can have Anika engaged for days on end. She worships him. When he comes home from work it's like I don't exist. And he is the one always wanting to plan fun trips and activities.

Ultimately, if I had chosen someone flighty like I wanted B to be, he would have flown the coop a long time ago! Thanks for sticking around Brandino. I know I'm not the party I promised.

There Is No Death

THIS BOOK HAS OFFICIALLY CHANGED MY LIFE


Please read it. I can't stop thinking about it- taking my mind off it.

I'm just trying to digest it all.

Sarah Menet committed suicide, visited the spirit world and spirit prison, saw the future, and lived to tell us about it.

GO TO HER WEBSITE

For All You Overachievers Out There

bake bread
buy gum drops
exercise every day

You guessed it! This is not my to-do list! I read this to-do list on some random blog and have seen many like it on my travels through the blogosphere. I don't know what to say other than... well, I'm just in shock. Buy gum drops? Bake bread? Who are these people that bind books, throw parties and do letterpress? (ever feel like you're the only fool who doesn't know what the hell letterpress is?)

I'll tell you who they are. They are the same people who were busy entering the science fair in sixth grade while I was busy popping out of cupboards (see Nic's last post's comments), playing mean pranks on teachers, flushing hair down school toilets, or sitting in the principal's office and/or detention. These are the Moms that make cute cupcakes, arrange play dates, volunteer for the PTA, and sew their daughters' easter dresses.

These are my very own friends! Ciara, with your online college classes, RS enrichment, and co-op preschool. Nicole, with your grown-up job, cake class, and community photography class. To my dear friends with your energy, drive, ambition and whole-headedness: let me tell you how it goes down at my house.

Setting the scene: it's monday morning. (two days ago) Brandon has the day off and has decided to take Anika to the park at 9 a.m. So what do I decide to do with my alone time? Well of course- climb back in to bed with a cadburry egg, crack a can of diet coke, and watch a movie on HBO. Not until 11 a.m. did I climb in the shower. I like to shower in the dark. It helps me ease in to the day nice and gently, similar to a dimly lit water birth in a granola clinic, minus the new-age music and certainly the mid wife. Which reminds me: have I failed to ever mention on this blog: Bag zipper catches, sliding out naked, steamy warm flesh?!) Anyways, something LIKE THAT! (Brace yourselves, Q and N, for an old fashioned bag zipper prank call!)

Once swaddled in my bathrobe I go upstairs to put on my make-up in the natural light. This consists of my hands fumbling around my face until they locate some semblance of an eye socket. Once I'm sort of sure of where they should be I proceed to draw eyes on my face. You know, so I have something to see with.

I'll leave the details of the rest of my day to your imaginations. But you guessed it- I don't typically bake bread. I buy it. I buy frozen pizza too. I throw one in the oven just in time to greet hubby with a kiss, fetch his slippers, mix his martini and get my legs in the air. Phew! What a long day! I just love yogalates in pearls!

Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. I certainly didn't get this from my Mother. She provided us candlelit breakfast every morning and re-upholstered our furniture. She was always on the go! Where did I get my half-assedness? I feel like it's all I can do to just survive a day. I don't feel I'm thriving as a young 28 yr. old mother should be. How do you girls do it? Ritalin?

However, I do keep my home immaculately clean. Again, it's not something to be proud of but rather a manifestation of a personality disorder. No wire hangars!

Recently Caught

MY students, during MY class...

IN THE DARK ROOM!

Me: Currently breathing FIRE!!!

Suffice it to say: Life is NEVER dull as a middle school teacher.

foundationalist?

Moving things to storage, I came across a box of every paper I ever wrote in college. (philosophy, Young's comm., Eicher's comm., even some high school papers.) I opened up a test from philosophy. Remember, Ci and Nic, how all the tests were part essay? I was actually laughing at my own test so I thought I'd share.

Part II.
Essay A:

The global skepticism of philosophers like Keith Lehrer is unreasonable. And yes, I believe Hosper's argument successfully defeats local skeptics like David Hume as well.

It all comes back to William James and pragmatism. Skepticism really is not practical. Even Hume, after saying we cannot rely on the past to predict the future, says it would be sub-human not to learn from experience. As a philosopher Hume is an empiricist but every human that expects to function without becoming insane must think practically.

There are many things that we, as people or philosophers, cannot escape. All things seem to be infinite. We use everything to justify itself. We look at an effect and say it must have a cause; this leads to infinite regression. We use inductive reasoning to justify inductive reasoning. From the fact that every raven ever examined was black, we assume the unobserved ravens are also black. Induction is founded on the belief, the hope, that the world is not essentially deceptive. We like to believe, and must, that the seeming regularities of the world are genuine. Induction vs. skepticism? Induction has stood the test of time, therefore it should be reliable in the future... now that just cracks me up more than anything.


Right by the sentence We use everything to justify itself., she wrote "You are a foundationalist!" You girls took that class with me. I don't remember foundationalism. Do you? Could you refresh me? She sounded pretty excited about it.

Also- does anyone else ever feel like there really are white ravens staying just without their sight, like those girl scout brats?

Sometimes I feel like I'm on the Truman show. Any second I'm going to hit the outer wall, walk up the stairs, and out the door.

Stay tuned for my paper about God, the self-actualizing actualizer.

monday is the new saturday

I almost forgot!

So, last night I had a dream I was just getting ready to start ballet class at my old studio in Lake Arrowhead. We were just starting plies when I sensed something coming in the door, rushing towards me and attacking me. It was beating me to bits. It had a horrible presence. It was... an invisible vacuum cleaner!

I kid you the freak not, I dreamed of being attacked by a formless, invisible, evil-to-the-core vacuum cleaner. I woke myself up screaming for help and grabbing Brandon's arm. He started saying "it's okay, it's okay". I took a moment to realize what was going on and then started cracking up. I told Brandon thanks for saving me from the thing. We were both laughing. And though I know it's funny I'm still kind of freaked. You know how the feelings of dreams stick for 24 hours or so? Shudders all over. (Now if that's not the nightmare of a housewife who has cleaning on the brain, I don't know what is.)

old gray mare she ain't what she used to be....

Apparently I have gotten older while the other PF employees have stayed the same age.

ME TO GIRL AT WORK: Wow, you have a really flat stomach!

GIRL RESPONDS: Aw, thanks. I'm sure yours was just as flat when you were my age- and before you had babies.

What the eff? It was a total aha moment for me. Oh, we're not the same age? I walk around thinking I am near-peers with these girls. I realized tonight they think I am a lady. I guess I am a lady. Her comment also made me realize I perhaps was not sucking in as well as I thought.

So just how old was this girl? 18! I thought she was 22 or so. I think I imagine everyone older so I don't feel so out of place. Boy, I bet she hopes she can grow up to be just like me! 10 years gone by- still working at the same joint for extra cash. Serving is one step (maybe) above prostitution.

But guess what? I love going to work, though the whole thing is creeping with guilt. Sometimes I feel so guilty for leaving Anika. And sometimes I feel so guilty for feeling so happy to be leaving home! Either way, it's guilt. I'm the friendliest waitress because it feels like a total vacation from my day job. It's mindless and relaxing. Time goes by quickly. I even get to talk to real live adults.

I told Anika I was going to work tonight and she said, "Mama, glass shop." She thinks when I go to work I go to the shop like Daddy. But when Daddy says he is going to work she says, "Daddy catch a fish." She thinks he is going fishing.

Also: I have visitors this weekend. Jake and Cara arrived from CA today. :)

I bug me

How odd that you post the axis of evil whilst I am feeling as though I am on the brink of going to hell in a hand basket.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???!!!???!!!???!!!

----------------------

It starts like this:

I canNOT stop thinking only of myself. I feel so guilty that I don't think of others first. I try to put others first, but I HATE that it is not my first thought! I hate that I have to force myself to be considerate... that it is not natural... that it is not easy.

I am so selfish and frustrated and a little angry.

Why can't I just be selfless and patient and kind?

Why can't I stop being BUGGED by things. Why do I have to try to let things not bug me? Why can't I be the type of person that just doesn't get bugged?
------------------------

I hate that I know how to be, but that I have to constantly fight myself to be that way.

I'm so drained from the fight.

I'm so disappointed in myself that I am not having an easier time of this.

-------------------------

So the skinny is that: I feel that I see solutions to problems and situations, that I understand life... so it's wretchedly impossible to hold my mouth shut or accept people who counter the solutions! Why am I so pretentious as to assume I have the answers? Why do I constantly feel others are inadequate and furthermore deal wit the oxymoron that I know I am inadequate by judging others?

I'm just miserable. I'm head strong, I'm decisive, I'm "git-'er done," I'm confrontational, I'm deal and drive on, I'm black and white.

I'm not sentimental, "what do you think," patient, gray, wallow, submissive.

----------------------------
I'm not submissive.
-------------------

I could, quite possibly, be going crazy.

Axis of Evil

Cheese.
White Bread.
Sugar.

That's mine.
What's yours?

moving

You see this top photo? We went to storage to get a bench for Janna's new house. You remember STORAGE(clicky click), don't you? Who could have imagined the bench would be in the very back, on the bottomest bottom, piled with the boxiest boxes from floor to ceiling?

First, I had to make sure Janna understood procedure: "All the furniture likes to be referred to in the feminine. And you have to say 'git r done'. And you should grunt a lot. This junk likes it like that." At least that's how we used to roll at Skinny Bitches Moving Co. (Cara is much stronger than she looks.)

Next: to ascertain if she was really down there somewhere. We weren't about to do heavy lifting without an assurance of the little lady's exact location. I creeped carefully in, over lifetimes of stuff, reached down and started to feel around blindly. "Welp, she's down there all right," said Dr. Alana, "I'd say she's at least 95 % effaced and dilated to 4 or 5 centimeters. It won't be long now."

That's when the demolition derby began. Couches were sliding down the hall. Garbage bags went a flyin'. Knuckles were a bleedin'. I tried to remember my counting and breathing techniques. At around 8 centimeters, just entering transition, our She Storage wanted to give up. But we just couldn't quit now.

And then it happened. We had our hands on her! Nurse Janna was holding one end and I the other. With one last grunt of git r done she was rounding the corner and heading out the door. "She's crowning! She's crowning!" yelped Dr. Alana, suddenly realizing two guys down the hall were cracking up. They had been listening to our hard labor the whole time. I'm glad someone besides me thought it was hysterical.

With a sigh of relief her ordeal was finally over. We wrapped the 80 pounder in Brandon's pink blankie and laid her in the back of the pick-up truck. A girl. A sweet little girl. Congratulations Janna. She's just beautiful!

The team went right back to work. There were some third degree tears but we got her back together. In fact, I think she looks better than before.

THE END

Now. On Moving. I'm familiar with the concept. Last time I counted I have lived in 27 homes in my lifetime. I went to 4 high schools in 3 years. I have gotten really, really good at moving. In my adult life Cara was always my moving buddy. We would awake early, go without food, and drink only red bull. We would get hyper and aggressive with the heavy appliances but we got r done. We would call everything "her" and "she", joke about starting our own moving company, and say "sons a bitches" a lot. It wasn't pretty. But by sunset we would be finished and eating delivery pizza.

My Mom is another story entirely. Even I, her own daughter, cannot fathom ever getting her life straight in my mind. I know what state she was born in and then it gets really confusing. She has lived so many places, I wouldn't dare her to add it up. In St. George alone she has covered more homes than most do in a lifetime. The last time she went to rent a U Haul for Cara, the guy didn't even ask for her I.D. or name. Though my Mom didn't recognize him, he said, "Oh no, we certainly have you in our records." She says she is a gypsy.

I think a little of that gypsy is in me. I have been so stable for so long. It really freaks me out sometimes. I love my house and I know I will be here a while. It's a comforting thought but also slightly suffocating. I love moving in to something new and picking out what drawer will hold the silverware. Or the spices. I like a little refreshment now and then.

Now. My Mom's storage units. We have not gotten around to sorting anything. We have all of my Dad's things. All of Alex's. Could people quit dying, please? Give us a chance to catch up. I think we are all finally ready emotionally to sell or donate their things. It's an awful feeling to get rid of their stuff. I hold those things as proof they were once here. It's like: See, he had slippers, I told you he was here!

The bottom picture is our family's second storage unit. None of us have a garage here in St. George so this is where we keep bikes, camping and backpacking things, baby toys, cribs, etc. All of my closets are cleaned and everything went to storage. I made Anika a little play fort underneath the stairs. Everything is so minimal now at home. Much better feng shui. I love it.

orphans...

It all started when Anika kept screaming "pants off, pants off!" She really is the no-clothes type.

Then she decided to hike along while drinking a bottle.

Suddenly, Emmet was half-naked too so he could "hike in his underwear" like Anika.

Then Anika decided to taste a little mud.

Have I mentioned there was snow on the ground?

Please, somebody call CPS. Save our little orphans!
Cuttin' loose is what being a kid is all about.

and then I remembered... hey, I myself have hiked in my underwear. I vividly recall backpacking in a dark, pre-dawn desert wash wearing nothing but a tee shirt, pack, and panties.
Cuttin' loose was what being 18 was all about. I've said it before and I'll say it again: teenagers' brains are half-cooked. Somebody should have kept me locked up until I was at least 20. (and who doesn't like hiking along and drinking a bottle?)