Class Clown/ The Fainter

Today's TravelinOma.


~Write about a time you made a presentation of some kind. Were you nervous? Excited? Prompt: "After I was introduced, I stood up and said_____"
___________________________


I was slightly nervous. I was only ten and this would be my first public speaking experience. It was Mrs. Kolmel's fifth grade class and I was to give an oral book report.

After I was introduced, I stood up and... fainted. It wasn't a nice, respectable, solid timber. Rather a stumble, wobble, stumble backwards and awkwardly slump straight down like a slinky in recoil. My back scraped the chalk ledge on the way down, leaving a scab the length of my spine. It went black for awhile and when I came to people were trying to assist me. (Please, please, please to all that is holy, please tell me Andy Wilson didn't see that!) I shrugged them off saying, "I'm fine, I'm fine." I made it all the way to my feet before it went black again. The next thing I remember was the school nurse picking me up and helping me walk down the hall.

I love a good public speaking assignment. Really. Even then, I don't remember being particularly nervous. I remember it was cold outside and I had felt weak all day. The perfect storm.

Whatever the cause, I had been having many health issues around then, fainting in particular. My doctor finally ordered an EEG. And eventually a sleep-deprived EEG. I got to stay up all night once, playing Mario Brothers and Duck Hunt and then got more electrodes glued to my scalp.

Diagnosis? None. I'm perfectly healthy. Just a little different. I remember talking to the doctor as she asked me questions during my EEG. She was impressed that my favorite subject was math. I actually told her I could hear a creaking noise inside my head as I solved a math problem. I just laughed hysterically remembering that! Because it's true. I can still hear that creaking in my head. But what a strange, screwy little girl.

I was in GATE. (Gifted and Talented Education.) Mr. Westcott laughed me to scorn when I showed up for GATE art class with a mechanical pencil. And I laughed myself to scorn when my little houses in my Starry Night kept getting bigger and bigger because I wanted to paint the lines perfectly straight.

This same age- ten- Johns Hopkins University enrolled me in a study because my standard test scores were abnormally high. They had me take the SAT with the eigth graders. All of this just seemed like more work. I was more concerned with playing pranks and goofing off. I once colored my lips blue with a marker, rounded up my trusty audience of classmates and went up to the teacher acting like I was choking. So not funny.

Smart.
Class Clown.
A little screwy.

I picture my little, pale, ten-year-old self blacked out on that berber carpet. Or with electrodes on my scalp. Or playing Mario Brothers the entirety of Christmas Vacation, showering ten days into the marathon after realizing I had developed my first B.O. You see, I had a picky attention-span. Not a non-existent one. And I laugh! What a strange little girl.

Now you see, I try very hard not to project anything onto my daughter. I'm open to anything and consciously try to not imagine things about her. I want her to show me who she is. But when I see her eating three corners and one side of each tortilla chip, retiring the rest of the chip to the straight line of identical chips, I just can't help but think...

Smart.
Goofy.
A little screwy.

Uncommon. (thank heavens!)
But pale. (See here.)

Williams - Mystery Dinner

We went to a Murder Mystery Dinner for Halloween and Herb was a Grim Reaper and I was a Cyclops. We served dinner and solved the murder. It was great fun and all the couples really got into their parts and made it a fun evening.

Here are a couple pics of some other monsters who were in attendance.

Williams - Halloween 2009

I am already posting Halloween pics. Herbie and Sage looked adorable in their costumes. We dressed as the Little Mermaid family. Sage - Aerial, Herbie - Sebastian, Herb - King Triton (doesn't he look hot in the gold sparkly turtle neck:), and me as Ursula (don't I fit her personality to the T:)

Thanks to my friend Melanie who let us borrow Sebastian and Ursula (I didn't have to sew or buy) and thanks to Herb's mom for the King Triton costume.

We even won the award for best dressed family at our ward Halloween party.

Williams - Pumpkin Patch

Click on the pictures to see them up close and personal. We took the kids to the pumpkin patch despite the pouring rain. We rode a boat to the pumpkin patch and a train back from the patch. Herbie was in heaven on the train and playing in the mud puddles. He even slipped in a puddle and fell on his butt, stood up and just brushed it off. It was great fun!

Practice Makes Perfect

Check out today's Travelin'Oma prompts.
_______________________________


Don't do anything for your kids that they could do themselves.

This brought an instant smile to my face. And lots of memories. I would not doubt if the mother who first said this was my own.

The first memorable incident was when my Mom decided I was old enough to order for myself at restaurants. We were at a McDonalds and I was horrified. I remember staring at the girl behind the counter (Staring up. I must have been 4 or 5.) and then back at my Mom who was saying, "Well honey, if you'd like to eat something, you'd better order." I didn't order. I just couldn't. So I didn't eat. This happened at a few more family outings before I realized my Mom meant business. No one meant more business than my Mom. She was calm and kind but nothing was more final than her words. If she said I had to order my own food if I wanted any, she sure as hell meant it. She never gave in to anything and I'm so grateful for it.

After a few eating-out meals spent hungry, I started ordering my own food. It made me so proud. Isn't that the idea? Instilling self reliance and CONFIDENCE in our children?

The next really memorable item was nail clipping. I can remember the exact moment. And the words spoken... "It's time you learn to do this yourself, Alana. I know it's hard to use your left hand. But practice makes perfect. You'll see." I was mad. I was seven. If my Mom loved me she would help me clip and paint my right hand. If I had a nickel for every time in my life my Mom said to me Practice Makes Perfect. I am forever capitalizing that phrase.

As I grew into an adult I realized just how much confidence my Mother gave me. I grew into someone who feels self-assured in all situations. I can hold my own ground in any battle. I feel like I could do anything in the world if I wanted. All thanks to my Mom.

As I grew into a Mother I realized just what a pain in the ass all this teaching can be. It really is easier to do everything for them. (Would it not have been easier to just yell happymeal for me? Certainly easier than watching me squirm, then starve?) But doing everything for them is selfish. It's so funny to watch a toddler try to put on their clothes or take them off. The moment they don't know how to pull down their own pants is the moment you realize holy guacamole! somebody taught me how to pull down my own pants! AND climb up on the potty and go all by myself! All thanks to my Mom. (I can't tell her how many times that potty thing has come in handy.)

I love nothing more than watching my little girl gain confidence in herself. Seeing her accomplish things all on her own helps me gain confidence in myself -my parenting, and we both beam with pride.

You can imagine my delight when my now- 69- year-old mother came to me a few weeks ago and asked me to paint her toenails. I gave her the whole speech, memorized from a lifetime of listening to it... "Mom, I know you can't see your toes very well without your glasses but if you start relying on others to do these things for you now, you're going to slip into old age... Practice Makes Perfect."

Willams - Random Fun

Sage and I on a school field trip to the Pumpkin Patch.

Herbie in all his cowboy glory.


Sage and Herbie - The Blanket Zombies. They love to put these blankets over their heads and ram into each other and wrestle. It is quite hilarious.

I don't want to get old.

I can't breathe. For the last hour I have had this overwhelming completely consuming feeling that I'm running out of time. That I'm getting old. I swear I look different in the mirror this month. There are things: spots, wrinkles, chub. But more importantly, there are other things: things I haven't done yet. Haven't lived yet.

I want it to stop. I want to be young forever. I don't want to get old.

panic panic panic

Don't give me that crap about 30 not being old.

It has got to be just about the end of the world... and it's still 6 months away!

I'm so depressed.

Beach House

^ Ian. We called him the "BG" all week... Bronze God.

^The train I grew up with. I finally got to share it with Anika. It's usually the Amtrak, not this metrolink pictured here, but exciting all the same.

^It just so happened that our rental's backyard backed almost right up to my Grandma's yard on the other side of the block!

I can't remember a more enjoyably 8 days. Especially the company of my family. We haven't all been together under other-than-tragic terms in quite a while. I've never been so relaxed. I completely forgot about the whole world and my brain felt thoroughly cleansed.

.

Wifery

Today's TravelinOma prompt.

I attended four high schools in three years. It didn't take me long to realize I could turn in the same papers at different schools. This was especially great when it came time to do those 10 page research papers. It seems I always find a way to do less work. It almost feels like less work finds me.

Today's TravelinOma made me realize I have already blogged about these things before:
The Chalice and the Blade
and Housebroken.

Maybe I'll even add to my old blogs with some fresh insight: polygamy.
Not the world's greatest idea but also not the worst. For instance: I don't tend to cook. I do it but sometimes have to force myself. Cooking doesn't find me. So perhaps wife #2 could be a chef? (Preferably ugly with a unibrow and undescended testicles.) And what about polyandry? When I first heard someone else had also invented this, (during a college literature class) I was elated. More husbands would be great and I won't tell you why.

My job is trying to kill me

I'm sick. Totally, utterly, devastatingly sick. I have been this way for days and days now. I refuse to get a sub, thinking it will abate- but it doesn't. It doesn't even get better. I haven't been sick for three years so I guess I'm making up for lost time.

Cruddy thing is- tomorrow I start teaching dance for the first time in two years and it's the last week before grades cut off for first quarter. What a completely crappy week(s) to be so entirely sick!

I attribute this illness to my job. I am convinced my job made me sick... no, not because public schools are a cesspool of germs, but because my job emotionally weakens my immune system. It's had it's fun using anxiety to mess with my psyche and now it's going for my physical well-being.

I'm convinced:

MY JOB IS OUT TO KILL ME!

Williams - Bragging Rights

I know you probably don't care about the day in the life of a toddler's potty training but I am so proud of Herbie that I wanted to share.

It has been almost a month since we started potty training Herbie. He was potty trained in a day. He goes to the bathroom all by himself, #1 and #2. He is hilarious because when he needs to go poop, he will sit on the toilet forever. Just like a guy. I ask him if he wants a magazine or book or something. Then I tell him to call for me when he is done because I don’t want to stand there and wait. He doesn’t like to wear diapers to bed at night but he isn’t quite ready for that step. He does get up in the middle of the night sometimes and wants to go pee in the toilet and not in his diaper. We went straight to underwear during the day and even let him wear underwear for nap time. If I would have known that he would be this easy, I would have started long ago. We attribute it to cloth diapers because the company told us that the cloth diapers help them to potty train a year earlier. We are believers. Herb and I joke that he is a 30 year old living in a 2 year old body. He is potty trained but can hardly speak. A couple days after he started wearing underwear, I found him wearing some on his head. He told me it was a hat. At least they were a clean pair.

To Reiterate...

Williams - Hot Pregnant Mama

Herbie and Sage, jumping on the trampoline.

I have had a few requests to see the belly so I posed for all you and took some shots. Enjoy!! I am 7 months pregnant and you can see my belly button sticking out.

Williams - Jog-a-thon

Sage's school did a jog-a-thon today to earn money for school activities. She had to get pledges from people and then run laps for the money. My mom said she would pay her $3.00 a lap, little did she know that Miss Sage was such a fantastic runner because she ran 18 laps. Herbie wanted to run with her so he was out there too.

Travis' Book

Remember Travis? I had lost touch with so many of the Salt Lake boys but thanks to facebook, we have reconnected. This is why I am constantly advocating facebook. Nicole just joined and she will not regret it. I'm still waiting for Jon (yes, Jon!) to show up but so far only his wife is on there. Anyways, I just ordered my copy from amazon. You should order yours, too! Click here.

El Guapo

Anika is sick. It's so strange how she likes to just sit around when she's sick. She just wants to watch her same shows over and over and it's the one time I don't feel guilty about it because she needs her rest. The good news is that her favorite movie is also my favorite movie... yes, I let my two year old watch The Three Amigos. I used to try and fast forward some things but she would just scream "El Guapo, I want El Guapo!" Strange little cookie. It sure is shaping up to be a fun weekend.

Everyone has their own El Guapo.

Williams - Nothin'

I haven't posted for a while because I really have nothing to say. I have a break from school this week and have been enjoying going to bed early, reading, and just not having a stressful life for once. Monday it starts again. Herb is going hunting this weekend. Looking forward to General Conference. It is starting to get cold here so your weather forecast makes me jealous. I am continuing to grow and every day is a struggle to get dressed because what could possibly be comfortable. Hung out with Jenny last weekend. She came with our friends and us to a party. We rock climbed, zip lined, and jousted (when I say we I mean everyone but me). I joked with everyone that Jenny was Herb's stand in date since I couldn't participate in the festivities:) We had a campfire afterward and ate smores and hotdogs. It was fun to see Jen. Love you all!

Collective Sigh of Relief

impossible

...cutting Anika's hair! Totally, utterly impossible. No amount of talking her into it or showing how "Emmet does it!" can help. Finally, her bangs were obstructing her vision and she looked like Cousin It. Something had to be done. I try and put on good youtube videos of the ants marching and then try to sneak some clips. She immediately started screaming and swatting the scissors. It's dangerous and I could probably do just as good a job if I was blindfolded. Well, once again they are totally botched! She looks like a boy. A boy with a bad haircut. It's so sad. I know I could do a really cute cut if she would just sit still!!!!! Each attempt gets worse because her fears of the haircut get worse! So, if you see my kid and think what the hell happened to that poor thing... cut me a break.

MY JOB IS KILLING ME!

I officially quit after this year.

Fun

Today's Travelin'Oma prompt:

"I have a tremendous amount of determination in this one area:_____. Not in other areas. For instance:_______."



This is a perfect prompt. I really do have a tremendous amount of determination in this one area: having fun. Not in other areas. For instance: working.

I am absolutely determined everyday to make things fun. If I put half this effort into getting things done, maybe I could accomplish something, anything.

I always try to do little surprises for my husband. Or play tricks on him. I have pulled some pretty successful pranks on him over the years. One place he can always expect to find a surprise (if that's possible?) is in his underwear drawer. I always come up with something. Sometimes normal things like cards, his favorite tic tacs, candybars. But there have been some total unmentionables that have me laughing STILL, TO THIS DAY. I'm talking some seriously funny business. Or so I think...

I don't think he thinks I'm as funny as I think I am. Sometimes, I'm unsure of whether he just doesn't get my jokes or he simply thinks I am psychotic. But that's not the point. I think I'm funny and get a big kick out of my tricks and surprises.

I have a tremendous amount of determination to entertain myself. I like to make a game of everything and can only hope the ones I love are at least moderately amused.

This has got to be one of the worst ideas ever!!!!

I guess it was a sign when while driving up here I got food poisoning.

So moving to Oregon has not been going so well. I have been on four dates so far and every guy has taken it upon themselves to criticize everything that I put in my mouth can I eat nothing!!!

This place is a little crazy to say the least.

My roommates are so funny one is a total gamer he sits at the computer for hours a day clicking away and laughing like DR Evil!

I did go rollerblading down by the riverfront and I was yelled at by a total stranger. Who yells at someone they don't know????

On the positive side I am getting a lot of exercise.

I have realized that ST George isn't really as bad as it seems, perfect weather, safe, great people, and it's beautiful there I can't wait to move back!

PS: if anyone has any ideas of places to meet NORMAL people let me know.

On the flip side I am addicted to Victoria Secret bras I go there once a week looking for new styles, why didn't anyone tell me that wearing a bra could be so fun.

deep thoughts

First:
I think I'm going weird.

Also:

Nancy Pelosi. I want to slap her. Perhaps backhanded. I haven't decided yet.

Bruce Lindsay. Have you noticed his ties? He has the most amazing taste in ties.

Nadine Wimmer. Her skin. Have you noticed her skin? It's beautiful. And she radiates The Spirit.

Mike Rowe. Reaffirmed crush after that alligator episode.

Hot shots. I love firemen.

And last but not least on my mind lately:
The Nuva Ring. Have you seen this commercial?
monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday, everydaaaay....

Is it really that hard to swallow a pill once a day? really? that hard? Because inserting a hormone-laden jelly bracelet into my special purpose and then fishing it out three weeks later is so much more convenient.

This reminds me: that schick quatro commercial. I had to pause my Tivo. Do you see what I see?

Please click here. (since childbirth isn't bad enough already.)

Leave Your Pants at the Door

Inspired by today's Travelin'Oma prompts.
_____________

It's customary to leave shoes at the door when entering your home. But... how many people do you know who also leave their pants? I've evolved from wearing just undies to wearing at least sweat pants around the house. But when it comes to comfort, I just don't screw around.

The slightest hint of a scratchy fabric or a waistband cutting my muffin top off can send me into a near panic. Likewise, feeling gross. I love to be freshly showered, lotioned, pedicured. I would shower 15 times a day if I could. I also panic if my feet feel hot. I wear sandals or flip flops nearly year-round. I fantasize about wearing nothing but a big bath robe. Perhaps I wore a burka in a previous life?

My closet is full of cute clothes that no one has ever seen me wear- at least more than once. I try. I really do. But I always end up taking it all off and putting on a white Hanes V-neck tee, which has been my staple for over fifteen years.

Thinking about my personal style made me realize my home is the same. Very simple. Some would even say stark. (?) But most importantly... refreshing. When I shop for clothes or home goods I ask myself one question: Is it refreshing? If it's not, forget it.

I think my personal style in every aspect of my life is clean, comfortable, refreshed.

I hope I make it to heaven one day. And I hope we really, truly get to wear white robes and bare feet!

The Secret

Today's Travelin'Oma was the best yet. So true and hilarious. Go read it now!

______________

We were driving down North Bay Road. My older sister, Janna mentioned to my Mom that she held hands with a boy at school. Janna was ten at the time, myself seven. My Mom slammed on the brakes, pulled over and yelled, "You did what?!"

I don't want to see that overreaction again, I thought. Remember: don't ever talk to Mom about boys. Don't ever talk to Mom about boys. And I didn't.

But I have three older sisters so word got out. I was ten when Janna filled me in on the facts of life. After the shock and awe wore off I proceeded to gossip The Secret to my schoolmates. I remember telling my friend, Jaylynn as we walked home from school. She didn't believe it. She wanted to know who told me that great and terrible lie.

And those books? You mean, You Were Once Smaller Than a Dot? I remember browsing through those books (seems like there was a whole series?) we had on our shelf and aside from some awkward illustrations of naked people, it still beat around the bush, so to speak. I'm sorry, I was what? It never got to the point. But big sisters do.

I'm so grateful to have older siblings. They taught me everything. They taught me at a eight what was cool and what was not. If they ever saw I had the boom box (you heard me, I said boom box.) tuned to the wrong station, I heard about it. I watched them put green masks on their faces and use the very 80's astringent, Sea Breeze...remember Sea Breeze? I watched them go to prom and coif their hair. I kept my mouth shut when their boyfriends came over, or when they sneaked out. I got their hand-me-downs. Ummm, I still get their hand-me-downs.

I want and plan to be very open about everything with my kids. If you always talk about IT, it wont be so awkward. At least that's what I think. But I thought I had everything figured out about parenting before I had a child, so there goes that weak plan.

Just be sure to give the talk to your firstborn. Chances are, they'll gossip to the others... perhaps inaccurately, but much less awkwardly.

I think that pic is awesome for the new banner wow we all look so different now.

So my move to Oregon is complete for now i don't know how long i am going to last in the cold and the rain.

I also have three boy roommates and that is crazy i really don't like living with people so we'll see how long that lasts.

I went mountain biking for the first time on a hill that i was sure i was not going to make it down but with a little coaching from some professional bikers i got down the hill unscathed.

The day ended by going downtown to meet some friends and on the way back to the car we heard gunshots. There was a drive by shooting. Welcome to Portland!!!

Oops I forgot my bullet proof vest. I guess i may have to invest in one of these for the occasional hangout downtown.

In other news everyone will be shocked to learn that I now own three yes count them one two three bras Victoria Secret i love you. (do you think that they sell bullet proof bras?)

This pretty much brings me up to date.

Alana i like the color you have chosen for your room you need to come up here and decorate my room then maybe i would actually hang out there instead of the kitchen.

Love all of you guys sorry for not posting on a regular basis.