If you aren't reading this blog yet, you should start.

It always gives me a good laugh.

Get your dramatic irony here.

View From Here

Here is a picture of the flag my Dad had flying at his last place in Telluride. Now it flies at my house and I can't help but laugh at the change of scenery. What will it be... 10,000 feet up in the mountains, breathing cool, crisp air? Or in the ghetto of the high desert off Interstate 15 somewhere? I think of my Dad every day I put it out. It is over 110 degrees today and I sure could use some Telluride. And that view!

Some things

So a couple of things:

First- I'm huge.

Second- Q thinks that men should have a say when it comes to interior decorating.

Third- Where can I get good chicken fried chicken in St. George?

Having a kid in the next few days. We are freaking out. Panic Panic Panic! What were we thinking? Scary anxiety and cold sweats. Over and over again we keep saying thank heavens we waited this long. YIKES!

Williams Reunion

Prineville Reservoir. We spent the week boating, camping, and shooting with Herb's family. Herb and I were in charge of the first Williams Family Reunion. Our reunion theme was "I'm on a Boat" which is from this song this is the edited version. We don't have to plan another one for 16 more years, this is when having lots of siblings comes in handy.

I finally got to wakeboard. I couldn't last summer since I was pregnant. So more pictures will be coming of me doing some sweet jumps:) More like letting go of the rope and plugging my nose because I am scared to crash!

Changes...

...you may be unaware of.

Our trip to Lake Arrowhead went well even though I was feeling sick the entire time. Anika was a trooper and slept in a "nest" with Emmet, pretending they were birds. When we got home, Anika politely informed me that she would like Daddy to move her nest into her room and her crib out. So finally she is in a big kid bed, albeit pretending to be Tweety bird.

So the crib went into the play room where a baby will be sleeping in it in February. That's right, I'm pregnant. Seven weeks. It's weird how you forget what it feels like. I remembered but I didn't. So I am enjoying puking and feeling weak. This is a whole new ballgame while concurrently caring for a three-year-old.

I quit my job. I realize that a lot of women go to work while feeling this crappy and just suck it up but not for so little $$. Summer really slows down at PF. So much so, it's not even worth the gas $ to drive over there. So, I'm done. It's kind of sad and I go a little crazy in the head not working outside of the home, even if it just was my measly 10 hours a week.

Remember how my car broke down about seven times recently? Man, if there ever were a "lemon", that car was one. It has given us nothing but grief and repairs since the month we bought it. So, it needed $2,000 in more repairs! $2,000 we certainly don't have. So it was either drum it up on some credit card or trade it in. Miraculously, we got $5,000 out of it for a trade-in and I now drive a minivan. Yes, folks. A white, Volkswagen Routan minivan. Our payment on the Saturn Vue was $150 and now our payment is $300, a jump up but at least I can budget around it now... you can't budget a surprise $2,ooo. I swore I'd never do it but every time I tried to nurse Anika in the car or change a diaper, the perpetual, longing chant inside my head was minivan. minivan. minivan. I'm a lady now, aren't I? Bummer.

That's about it.

I remember a moment about four months ago. Things had been the same forever. Life just seemed like no changes were on the horizon and I was getting restless. And now I just laugh and long for that phase. It was such a reminder that each little phase is brief. You can never go back. So I'm trying to remember that and enjoy all the little things... especially these last months where Anika gets all the attention. Just me and her. Man, her world is about to be rocked. Along with mine. I'm terrified, actually.

PARTY AT THE FED

I'm Sorry. I Just Had To.

I took notes at Nicole's baby shower yesterday of all the comments she made while opening presents. I will list those gift-opening comments now but entitle the list: THINGS NICOLE SAID THE NIGHT SHE CONCEIVED BABY. Are you ready, ladies?


Cute!

I don't have anything like this.

That is funny, thank you.

Bath tub toys!

I'm workin' up a sweat.

Not one spec of clothing...

That's a cute winnie the pooh hat.

Petroleum jelly!

Way, super cute.

Thank you very much.

I think it's a boy?

That's a waaaay thoughtful gift.

How cool!

I was gonna order this.

Still blowing!



I'm sorry. I just had to. Hope you enjoy your last month of pregnancy, Nicole, you're almost there. And to you, Quinn... don't worry, the moratorium on drilling will be over soon, you're almost there.

Outta Here

Well, I'm off to Lake Arrowhead until Monday. I keep telling Anika about these weird things called trees and shade they have there. A high of 75, the whole family at Andrea's house, jumping in the clean lake, Ian's graduation, fly fishing in Big Bear, eating at our favorite Mexican joint, the smells of my childhood, ahhhhh. This is just what the doctor ordered. Adios.

Of note: Jake and I are now the only ones in the family that did not graduate from Rim of the World High School. They call it Rim of the World for a reason (see below). You can see all the way to the ocean from it and sometimes even Catalina Island. See the football field?

To Nicole:

YES! Revelation! The under wire! It just so happens that I spent the better part of tonight trying on every single bra at the mall. Without success.

But I do have big news... I found them! The chosen ones! For $12 at target. They are thin, not hot pink, and I can't feel any pressure on my fat waist... I think these sweatpants could be the ones. It's as if my body is the disembodied soul of the Dalai Llama that just located its next, meant-to-be body (which would be sweatpants) and slipped right in to home. Still with me? And all the while the world was looking for where the Dalai Lama's reincarnated soul had been reborn. They're black gauchos and they bring peace, enlightenment.

I just can't understand why I'm so sensitive. I swear, if I can feel the slightest pressure in the smallest place I want to kill somebody with a spoon or other blunt object. So much for pacifism.

So, last night I had a dream that you owned your own helicopter and flew it yourself all the way to the drugstore just to buy me eyeliner. Then you delivered my new eyeliner in your helicopter.

Also. Baby shower invites are going in the mail tomorrow so I will have to bring you the ones to deliver. Not homemade, sorry. I suck. But your helicopter rocks, girl!

And then it occured to me...

I had an epiphany. After months and months... a life time really, of suffering. Great and TERRIBLE suffering. It occurred to me... CUT THE UNDER WIRE OUT! DUH!!!!

I should be shot for not thinking of it sooner.

That's the kind of stuff they out to teach you in college.

I Want

I really, really want!

Janna and I are dying to go to the Aerosmith concert in Vegas but that is the day we are at the beach house. There has to be a way, there just has to be a way. Show up late to the beach? Drive all night after the concert?



It would double my pleasure, double my fun to go with Janna because this is what we grew up on. Remember this video above? Janna and her friends entered a lip sync and dance contest and did this song and won. They won a bunch of money so my Mom took her and her friends in our motor home to the beach for the weekend and got a hotel. They even let little sister tag along.

You know you're cravin' it.



I always get stuck watching memorable music videos on youtube. It really flashes me back... You know, to the days when MTV and VH1 actually had music videos on.

I will not be f.i.n.e. fine unless Janna and I make it to this concert.

Williams - Homemade Laundry Detergent

I recently started making my own homemade laundry detergent. The process:

Ingredients: 1/2 cup borax, 1/2 cup A&M Washing Soda, 1/3 bar of FelsNaptha.

It only takes 2 TBSP per load of laundry.

soap cheese

my little helper

end result

Williams - Bamboo Floor

the small hallway that my mom gets lost in on a daily basis.

bathroom/hall transition, doesn't it look lovely.

Next year we are going to put tile in the bathrooms.

our room

kids' room

living room

kitchen

I am finally posting pictures of our flooring. We are still missing the baseboards and transitional pieces. I doubt that they will even get done this year but atleast the floor was finished by the time I got back from Utah. Herb's mom even moved all the furniture back in for me and rearranged it. We left most of it the way she placed it but changed the living room a bit. We have to keep some things in certain areas otherwise my mom gets confused and lost.

Williams - My Cute Nora

Sound familiar?

Brandon's Boulder Trip

Here he is, hard at work on his black marabous. He tied those jigs night after night until he had enough for the bear hunt. ??? Yes, he said he cared much more about the fishing that was going to take place than the bear tag. The only bear he saw was a mama with two cubs, one a year old and the other brand new. You are allowed to shoot male or female, even a cub. (How sad is that? Maybe he could have brought home a little teddy bear for Anika.) I'm so relieved he didn't shoot a mama but still really want him to get his bear. I keep encouraging him to go out for another trip and trust me, that is rarer than Halley's Comet.

It looks so cold in that float tube, I'm shivering. Brandon said there was ice around the edges of the lakes.

Brandon is a serious risk to himself while fishing. The second he has a pole in his hand, he can't concentrate on anything else, even his own numbing limbs. It's as if all other sensory input is stopped before it reaches his brain. I truly believe he wouldn't notice frostbite until his hands turned black or someone took that pole out of his hand.

Positive Affirmations

I'm good enough.
I'm smart enough.
And doggone it, people like me.



I could really use some positive affirmations.
Got any good ones?
The only one I've kept in the arsenal for years and years is:

I do enough.
I have enough.
I am enough.

It Pains Me

Congratulations, you are friends with the most picky person on the planet (me). At least when it comes to sweat pants. And I wear them a lot. I mean a lot.

I collect them like stamps. But only wear my favorite pair.

The ultimate pair, the kind that comes around once in a lifetime, was found at a Ross in Las Vegas in 2001. I wore those puppies day and night and taught nearly every ballet class in them. They were terry cloth with spandex, navy blue with a pale blue elastic band. A former ballet student now works at Pasta Factory. I happened to be mourning to her about the fate of my favorite sweats and she said, "Oh, were they navy with a pale blue band?" YES, THOSE ONES!

They died when I was just eight weeks pregnant. Yes, that was 2006, I wore them for five years. I was packing for a Boulder Mountain trip with Brandon and was cleaning fly line in my bathroom sink. The line was on my Dad's nice reel, the one I never let myself use. But I was going to bust it out this time. It still had a beaded head prince nymph tied on, his last fly and I always took it out and couldn't believe that he had actually been on earth and fishing with it.

That beautiful nymph got caught in my sweat pants! I tried literally for an hour to get it out safely. But alas, through wet eyes and emotion that can only come out of a grieving and pregnant woman, I decided to sacrifice the pants to save my Dad's last fly and cut it free with scissors. I keep it safe in my special things. But dammit, I miss those sweats.

I got completely packed for that trip but after that breakdown and one last pregnant vomiting episode in the sink, I drove to the shop and told Brandon I wasn't going with him.

Then there was a drought. (Seven years of plenty, seven years of famine.) I hunted and hunted for a new pair that would be as comfortable. I suffered my whole pregnancy without a good pair of sweats. Finally, last year, I found another pair that is permanently stuck to my body. THEY ARE HIDEOUS, let me tell you. They are knee-length, hot pink and just sick to the core. And by sick, I don't mean PHAT sick or The S***. I mean sick. Hideously, hot-pinkishly sick. I apologize constantly to my family that they have to see me in them daily. But comfort means that much to me.

They have to be just right, you see. Short rise in the crotch, very loose elastic and stretchy terry cloth. Talk about impossible. Please, someone out there, help me be comfy. If you build it, they will come. The housewives of America will thank you. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. Why am I so sensitive to comfort? Everything has to be just so. It pains me to be even slightly uncomfortable. I nearly panic.

Williams - Birthday

Sage turned 6 years old today. We celebrated her birthday yesterday. We went swimming with the family. We met Herb's parents, Ashley, and Tesa at an Aquatic center and we all swam for a couple hours. Herbie and Sage were both too small to go down the hydrotube, maybe next year. We even put Nora in a swimming suit and she got to play in the water. After swimming we had a BBQ, ate Ashley's delicious cake (Sage requested the style), and opened presents. Sage opened presents with the assistance of Herbie who tried to open all of them before Sage could get to them. She was so sweet, every time I told Herbie to knock it off, she would say, "Mom it is just fine, I don't care!" She is such a wonderful daughter. Sometimes I think she is a grown up and wise beyond her years.

I also made Sage breakfast in bed this morning because she requested that. So I set my alarm to get up before her but just as I was walking out of my room she came walking down the hall and said I was taking too long and she couldn't wait any longer. It was only 7:30am. She was upset with me and I told her to go get back in bed and I would still bring it to her. She finally climbed back in and then it went down hill from there because I brought her cereal that she didn't like (which she has always liked up until now:), she asked me why her bagel was cold. Needless to say it was a disaster and I felt terrible. I should have gotten up an hour earlier and then it would have been a success, but sleep is so precious to a mother of a newborn. Hopefully I can redeem myself.

Lake Arrowhead

I took this photo off the Lake Arrowhead web cam just two seconds ago. Talk about a late snow storm. I'm going there to Andrea's for Ian's graduation in a few weeks and had visions of being on the lake in the sun. Oops. Nearby Mammoth Mountain's ski season is still going and is having skiing and fireworks on the fourth of July. How awesome would that be?

Dearest Brandon:

Let's make a deal.

Are you needed some extra cash?

Do you yearn to be flattered hourly and bribed with goodies?

Is your desire to save Quinn's fingers and salvation intensified?

Feel like pouring the grace of God over a couple of long lost friends?

If you answered yes... or even maybe... to any of these questions, then have we got a deal for you.

Name your price. Any price. We'll pay in cash and send Quinn to be your helper.

Did I mention we own a fishing boat?

There's still a prize in the box?!?!

Go figure.

They still give away prizes in cereal boxes!?!?!

I'm shocked. I totally thought that was an 80's thing or something that remained strictly on Napoleon Dynamite movies. You'd think that prizes in the cereal box would be the first thing to go during a recession. Nope. Today I got my very own Shrek water squirter out of the Cinamon Toast Crunch box.

I may need to mention that until I became 7 months pregnant, I absolutely HATED and LOATHED all cereal. Hence the 20 year flashback to prizes in the box.

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Oh, and Alana- until about 2 years ago, Quinn literally thought a line of credit was extra cash... free money. Try breaking that news to a 27-year-old who thinks he can afford a fishing boat.

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The latest:

Last week of school starts Monday (thank the Lord) and I have been positively swamped. You know it's bad when I don't blog for a while. School has been crazy and draining, I've been in SLC almost every weekend for the last month, we are still remodeling the apartment, dance recitals and lessons are finally over, and in one week, all my end-of-the-school-year happenings and stress will melt into pure summer bliss.

Quinn drove to Vegas on Friday to buy me about 10 menu items at Cheesecake factory and he's been diligently pushing me out of bed each morning. For this reason alone I am at a loss as to what single pregnant women do to get out of bed during pregnancy. Plus, he has the best haircut and he is sexier than ever (seriously, he is so hot- how does he even function with the rest of us???).

Williams

We had concrete poured to extend our driveway and patio. This is Herb and Herbie trying to put their handprint in the cement but no luck because it was already too dry for our hands. When it was still wet we weren't home so we missed the opportunity. The kids were so bummed. The patio looks awesome and is about twice the size as it was before. I have begged Herb to do this for me since we moved in because I was so sick of the puddles of mud in our backyard from the rain. I will have to post more pics later.

Williams

Sage played in a school Talent Show today. Here is a pic. I will have to post the video later.

Herbie at the show being silly.

Dear Line of Credit,

Thank you for being attached to my bank account and automatically loaning me money when I need it (every day). I know it has been a long stretch since I paid you back but pay checks are late and getting later and I don't know when we ever can catch up... I can't wait to catch up with you. I can't wait until I can deal in numbers > 0. Or at least only be one paycheck behind.

Brandon thanks you, too. From Boulder Mountain. Where he might as well be during the middle of a work week since his employment efforts are pro bono publico anyway.

But thanks again for being there for me. Without you, my electricity would be shut off. Without you, there would be Deseret Industries granola. Without you, I would be forced to face reality, act responsibly and negotiate with my lifestyle. You know, like in the olden days when people only dealt with money they actually had.

Thanks for helping me dig myself a deeper hole.

I owe you one.

Yours truly,
(maybe even Love,)
Alana

Earplugs, Boulder, Panguitch, Oh my!

On Monday I remembered something Andrea once told me. She said she used to wear earplugs while Ian was throwing fits. Luckily, I found one pair in our medical supplies. Ahhh, relief. When Anika throws a fit, I can't give in. The fits are extra bad when Emmet is around and I have been watching him everyday, all day, for weeks. But Anika is relentless and will go on for an hour or more. Earplugs. I can still hear what the kids are saying to me and respond, all the while soothed by the sound of my own heartbeat and breath. I can't hear the cartoons or the washing machine or even the sound of the dishes clanking as I unload. It takes the edge off just enough to keep me calm and responding to the kids sympathetically. I highly recommend it.

We have made much progress in the fit department. I just ask Anika if she would like to stay upstairs and be nice or if she'd like to be a mad girl, she can go to her room. Sometimes she'll stop screaming to stay up and sometimes she goes to her room and has alone time. Sometimes she even runs down to her room by herself. It's too funny. (And on Monday required earplugs.) She has learned that she likes alone time and needs it to calm down.

Moving on... The Big B just left for his fantasy dream week: Boulder Mountain with his Dad and two brothers-in-law for five days. Remember how I mentioned I have been knee-deep in black marabou jigs since 2003? Well, this time Brandon decided to tie his own. He worked on them for weeks. Five days of camping and fishing on Boulder would be perfect enough for Brandon but no, the fun doesn't stop there. He also has a BLACK BEAR TAG! Yes, he drew out. I already miss him and hate it when he's gone but it makes me happy just knowing how happy he is right at this moment. I must admit that the thought of Brandon mercilessly killing a furry, intelligent creature without cause... totally turns me on! I'm serious. It must be my inner/very outward Primal Woman but... bear hunting? HOT! HOT!

I thought my week and weekend would drag out but I just got a phone call from Cara saying she is heading up tomorrow morning. I planted the seed last week, just mentioning it once, and that was enough to get her to come up! So I guess I wont be too lonely after all.


This is a picture from last Saturday when Brandon went up to Panguitch with his cousin. Go Brandon, that is a big fish. I asked him what happened to his lip that day. He said, "Oh, I got a fish hook stuck in it." Oh, that's all?

ladies and gentlemen, behold.

this.

Not That Girl

I want some of what this girl smokes.

I'm sorry, you crunched on what now?

Can't you guys just see me downstairs in my bedroom with candles and celery, rocking myself through contractions?

And don't forget, she managed to bake bread and cheesecake earlier. (Listen to me lady: you. have. the. munchies!)

The only thing my 'body is meant to do' is eat a green Del Taco burrito every day. My car broke down at the drive-thru window last week. I held my burrito's 'soft, meaty body' in one hand and my cell in the other as I told the AAA associate on the phone, "yes, a tow truck to the Del Taco on Sunset. Uh huh. Thank you."

My burrito was perfection. I felt amazing, and blessed with every expansion of my belly.

Don't you see? I'll never be that girl. I'm the girl that picks up a dozen donuts on the way to the epidural. I'm the girl that begs the nurse for a pile of Lortabs served in a bowl, covered in milk, and shoveled in by the spoon full. I'm the girl who is at the drive-thru window so often, odds necessitate I eventually break down there.