MY BABY IS 3 TODAY

We have come a long way.

Anika is such a good little buddy now. She doesn't nap anymore so we have some long days together wherein we simply hang out. Her favorite thing to do with me is have a pedicure. This takes at least an hour and will not be sustainable if I have more daughters. We soak our toes in the tub (Anika says 'smoke the toes'), file, paint, and then lay on our back and put our toes in the air while they dry. She likes to go hiking and on long stroller rides in Snow Canyon. This is starting to sound like a personal ad. I hope she likes to go to lunch and shopping and the movies when she grows up. Brandon has taught her how to fish and she can reel big ones in unassisted. She is obsessed with puzzles and going to the library every Saturday.

I love her.

I just cut the elsatic in my underpants...at work.

I am sitting at my desk contemplating my predicament. You see, I spontaneously broke the scissors out of my top drawer and in a mad dash, cut the elastic on my underpants. Never mind the fact that a student could have walked in at any minute. Add to the visual the fact that I am wearing a dress.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

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21 more days of school
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The Sweet Tooth Fairy is opening a shop in SGU!!!

All right FINE! I will break down and buy new underwear today after school.
Best to be prepared for all of the cupcakes to come.
Seriously, 25 main is great and everything, but I swear their cupcakes are so not as good as they used to be. Sweet Tooth Fairy is sure to satisfy.
At $3.00 a cupcake, who is ever going to admit it if they don't?

Williams - Herbie's and Grandma's Birthday

Lion Birthday! Complete with a homemade Lion Pinata.
Grandma is 58 not 1.

Lion Face Cake

My two favorite Lions

Lion King is 3!

Den of Lions

Williams - Shooting

We took Herbie shooting for his birthday. Herb wanted to try out his new 22 and Herbie loved it. All he wanted to do was shoot. He was hilarious. It was freezing, rainy, sunny, windy. All kinds of weather but we had a good time. Herb and his gun obession. Gotta love it:)

Spooky Night

Brandon awoke at 1 a.m. to my shadow crouched behind the curtain, peering outside. He called my name but I didn't answer. I was crouching low to get a glimpse of what phase the moon was in and listening closely to the birds chirping. I could not figure it out... birds chirping in the middle of the night? Something was just funky all day yesterday and for the record, I think we're going to have a big earthquake in the next few days.

More crazy...
Anika has had a few bad dreams in her life. They always involve her waking up and screaming something about Emmet taking her toys. She was shaking violently and wanted to go upstairs to see if her caterpillar book was here or if Emmet took it. I told her it was just a dream. She just recently grasped the concept of dreams. When she realized that's what it was, she went back to sleep. One of her bad dreams recently had her horrified... something about a fishing pole and hook and her stuffed doggy.

On my way back to bed, eyes not yet adjusted to the dark, I rounded the corner to our master bathroom to pee before I went back to bed. I just assumed Brandon was in bed. The bathroom was pitch dark. That's when I ran into a body! Sitting on the toilet! Imagine the horror... thinking you're about to sit on the pot and you run into another body you don't think is there. Ohhh, shudders all over.

Needless to say, B and I could not stop laughing... after the screaming stopped, of course.

Adding to the strange day yesterday was our owl encounter. We went on a little hike yesterday afternoon up by The Ledges, above Snow Canyon. A huge owl flew out of a bush, just barely clearing our heads. It was huge. I've never seen an owl that close in the wild, let alone stare right into its yellow eyes. It gave us all a good jump, especially Anika. So bizarre.

Why do I tell you all this? Because whenever I go to a blog on my regular read list and there is no new post, I want to kill somebody. I figure I'd better start blogging again so no one out there in blog land is cursing ME for not posting. Something is better than nothing, right? I'll try to get back on the meaningless post wagon.

Also of note:
Is anyone else watching the America, The Story of Us documentary series on the History channel? It started last night and will be on for five more Sundays. It was very well done. The rest of my sleep was lost last night to thinking about smallpox, thanks to that documentary. But again, it's very cool and you should watch it next week.

Love you all!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NICOLE!

So, how does it feel? The thirty thing?

I'll never forget...

Sitting in my ninth grade seminary class. I was new and no one had spoken to me all day. That's when you turned to me and said hello, introducing yourself. If only we had known then all these years later we would still be friends. From fourteen to thirty, it's been great growing up with you. Have a great day and try not to cry yourself to sleep about the goodbye-twenty thing.

I want to be like her.

I have been looking online everywhere for the Nie Nie on Oprah episode and I finally found it. I don't know that there are many more people alive on the earth right now that are more inspiring than her.

Watch it with a tissue.

http://www.megavideo.com/?v=07RJ6OLI

I despise Ryan Secrest

I mean really, is there a bigger moron in the universe than Ryan Secrest? O.K. O.K., maybe Spencer Pratt.

Today is my last day of being 20-something.

AUTHOR VS AUTHOR PUT-DOWNS

here.

gave me a real belly laugh.

IDIOTS AND LUNATICS EXEMPT

THIS.

There is always something out there to make me laugh. Guess I won't be allowed to fight in the coming civil war. Bummer.

What I really teach my students:

So this week I had two heart-to-heart conversations with my students about real life lessons they should know... because let's face it: someone should tell them. No one told me and I really would have appreciated a heads up.

• Conversation 1): Sometimes all you have is looks so you better marry someone you are attracted to.

They asked me what I meant and I calmly informed them that there would be days when they absolutely loathed their spouse and the only thing getting them through the agony of frustration would be their spouse's good looks. They asked if that had ever happened to me and I simply asked them to look at a picture of Quinn and decide for themselves. I pointed out that he is tall, dark, and has a full head of hair he probably won't ever lose. I said these features were definitely not lost on me when I was selecting my eternal companion. They were shocked that I would say something so "mean." Not mean I told them, just practical. They asked if I was "living on Quinn's looks" at the moment. I said no. Mostly it had just been that baptism by fire first few years but that now we have more to go off of than looks and I actually really like him.

• Conversation 2): Prepare yourself, half of what you make you will never ever see.

I was brunt and frank with them on tax day about the reality of taxes. I broke the news to them that 40% of what they make will automatically be taken by the government and that if they are LDS like me, 10% more will go to tithing. Some of them were smart enough to do the math and figure that 1 out of every 2 dollars they'll make, they'll never keep. Do you still think I should get a raise? I asked them after we talked over some of the things their taxes will pay for. Many of them hesitated. The smart ones then made the jump to a national health care plan and in not so many words I let them stew over the cost/benefit analysis of increased welfare. There were some few souls who seemed not a bit taken back by these sharp and cutting numbers. When their friends asked them why they remained calm and unangered, they stated proudly, "My family doesn't pay taxes. I'm illegal."

Williams

Fishing. We took a fish home, although we didn't catch it. Some guy next to us caught one and asked if the kids wanted to reel it in so they did then he let them have it. They told everyone they caught a fish and they were going to take it home and cook it and eat it. But then they wouldn't even eat it after it was cooked.

Grandpa holding Nora the purple-people eater! What is he doing?

The fish we caught but didn't catch.

Columbia Gorge. Vista House. Isn't the view gorgeous.

Chew On This

1. In any conflict between two men (or two groups) who hold the same basic principles, it is the more consistent one who wins.

2. In any collaboration between two men (or two groups) who hold different basic principles, it is the more evil or irrational one who wins.

3. When opposite basic principles are clearly and openly defined, it works to the advantage of the rational side; when they are not clearly defined, but are hidden or evaded, it works to the advantage of the irrational side.


It has been a long time since something (those three rules) has shed such brilliant and immediate light on my view of existence. It was like flipping a switch. I will put it into context next time I blog, complete with a decade-in-making anecdote about a smelly, used book store and my future brother-in-law.

April 14th. Time to start doing my taxes.

Yep. I'm the one who waits until April 14th at 11 pm not only to begin filing, but to painfully rampage the house trying to find all of my forms. I ended up having to find most of them online. Ug. For my efforts, I think I should get to keep the refund this year. Seriously, why am I the designated tax spouse in the marriage? I have to admit I can't complain because upon year 1 of matrimonial pandemonium, I nominated Q to take care of all vehicle-related matters which is why he has to do the 3-month late Honda registration tomorrow so I can stop avoiding cops and driving 2 miles an hour to stay behind traffic patrols. OK- fair trade I suppose. I hate the way mechanics look at you like you're some dumb blond who doesn't deserve to look at a car let alone drive one. You know, that "pearls-before-swine" look of condescension. Maybe I'll tell Q about the refund but leave out the part about when I realized (doing taxes the RIGHT way this year) that I screwed up royally last year and cost us big $$$.

Fine. I'll settle for a luxury hair highlights appointment next week and call it even.

Love Always, -Gleek #1,987,356

Is anyone else so excited for Glee they can't stand it?

Other stuff that is making me a fan of life right now:

• Only 35 days left of school
• Q's big commission checks this last month
• Coupons to Down East Home and Furniture (so just bought Pottery Barn crib/chest set)
• Lake Powell season is right around the corner
• Alton Brown Carrot cake I am going to make for my BDay again (takes like 5 hours)
• So You Think You Can Dance is coming
• I finally broke down and watched New Moon on DVD last night and I am not addicted to thoughts of Edward today like I thought I would be!!! FREEDOM!
  

What about you? Anything making you smile lately?

I'M THE FAT ONE!!!!!!!!!!

I always thought of my friends and I as skinny and semi-descent looking. Now I just think of my friends that way!!! SERIOUSLY: CAN YOU EVEN SEE ANYONE ELSE IN THESE PHOTOS?!?!?! I'm so super huge!!! Two things are bothering me here:

• #1) That I don't look prego at all, just FAT!
• #2) That this is the first time ever I have seen myself this way (regardless of whether or not I have looked this way for a while) and I am so upset about it!!!!

• Actually let's add #3) that my mom gave birth at 117 lbs: WHAT THE HECK- WHERE ARE THOSE JEANS... I mean GENES (heaven knows I wouldn't fit into those Jeans NOT prego) NO FAIR!!!!!!!!
  

Look- I'm prego, I get the weight gain and it's fine. I just wish I was "cute skinny girl with budda-belly" and not "she's really packing it on girl with expansion in all areas." It didn't help my mindset when the other day I overheard one of my students saying to her friend in hushed tones, "Oh, she's pregnant? I just thought she was getting fat!"

It's going to take a while for me to get used to this. In the meantime, can we vow to photoshop me in all of these? I'm in shock. I never thought I see myself like this and I for sure NEVER wanted to be sporting double D's!!! I HATE BIG BOOBS! Why do I have to be the one with a massive chest when I was always the one who hated well-endowed figures? My hubby will kill me for saying that, but let's get real- These girls along with my belly are making everything look gigantic!

Freak Out Freak Out Freak Out Freak Out
I detest the way I look. And to cap it all off, I'm eating cupcakes for dinner right now.
I hate hate hate this whole business of fatness.

P.S. Alana, you look HOT!!!! No fair.

I always

Williams - Blessing

It was an eventful blessing day. Herb did a great job giving Nora her baby blessing and she looked beautiful in the dress that I made. Almost all of Herb's family came up for the occasion and all his brothers minus Taylor (missionary) were there to stand in the circle. Before Sacrament ended, while someone was bearing their testimony, Sage tapped me on the shoulder and covered her mouth. I knew instantly from the look on her face that she had to puke so I grabbed her hand and we ran. She nailed the inside of the chapel door and we ran all the way to the bathroom where she puked again. She has never puked in her life so this was a new experience for both of us. Herb took her home and after cleaning up the mess, I went back into the chapel. When I walked in the Bishop had the biggest grin on his face. I am glad they were entertained at my expense. Needless to say we didn't stay for the rest of church. We were going to have a nice family picture after the occasion too but that got nixed and so all you get is Nora and I.

Williams - Vaca

Swimming at the perfect pool.

Who took this pic with my camera?

Hiking in Snow Canyon

Thank you for the wonderful time we all had together. I had a great time talking and laughing with all of you and my sisters. It was well worth the long tortorous drive. I love all of you.

Is anyone else totally freaked out about the government pushing this census thing so forcibly?

Is anyone else totally freaked out about the government pushing this census thing so forcibly?

Ring a bell anyone? How do you think Hitler knew who all the Jews were?
Yep: Census. He was actually a revolutionary pioneer when it came to census data collecting.
He claimed citizen responsibility, held census parties, and made it a patriotic duty.
Sound familiar?
Too bad no one caught on to where he was really going to go with it five years later.

Is it just me or am I freaking out for no reason?

Still, just to play it safe, Q and I will NOT be filling out the census this year.
We own too many guns.

A Little Bit of Everything

^In Zion a couple of weekends ago. Anika still has not tired of throwing rocks in water.

^Ever wonder how they get those sailboats in the glass jars? Maybe they planted them with seeds. I have seen my Mom sprout wheat a million times in my life, but apparently I didn't pay close enough attention. My Mom has a wheat-grass juicer but I just wanted to eat the sprouts raw on salads. You sprout them in the dark so obviously the grass doesn't turn green until it gets sunlight. So I couldn't tell what was root and what was grass and inadvertently grew a lawn in a jar. When I was little I would chew on the raw grass my Mom grew. Emmet took a liking to it and ate some of it. It will take a few more tries before I have it perfected.

^Maybe Anika will take a liking to grass. I had to show this picture. You see that tiny dot of A1 sauce outside of the main puddle? Well, Anika is so compulsive that she absolutely lost her mind when that bit of A1 got out of line. She started bawling and ran down to her bedroom where she stayed alone, crying and collecting herself, for 20 minutes. wtf? And yes, my child still eats chips dipped in A1. Three corners and one side, please. Then they get discarded into perfectly straight lines. I guess Brandon lined stuff up when he was little so I'm going to blame that one on him. Big and Little Professor.

^And check out Cara's new wood floors. It makes me wish I did light colored floors. Her beautiful deck looks out over the back bay. I need to visit. And soon!


AND. Thanks for such a fun week, girls. That was a real treat!

STICKIN' IT TO THE MAN (click)

SORRY. I'M ABOUT TO RUIN YOUR DAY.

With this.

Ok. I officially want Jesus to return to earth. Like now. Like yesterday. How much longer can the world suffer the horror?

Did you catch that last paragraph? In 2001 the Chinese government covered up an explosion, saying a crazy man with dynamite blew up the school but really the kids were being labored to make fireworks. Europe is now saying China is the new economic model to get them out of trouble. Yes, China's economy is growing. They have slaves!

Again, I'm so sorry I had to share that. Maybe I'm like my Mom. She always has a 'Debbie Downer' for the day. There is something relieving about sharing shock. It's like passing the hot potato.

Ice Cream and MTV

Today a few students asked me what I thought of the health care pass last night. I am always wary of discussing politics with my students and generally never tell them my views... I don't want to lose my job. But, since I've initiated the big quit, I've grown slightly lax in my "mum's the word" policy. I responded to them by telling them the truth; that is, I told them exactly what I did AFTER the word was out.

I sat in bed, watched 16 and pregnant on MTV for hours, and started and finished an entire pint of Oreo Nelson's frozen custard.

They looked a bit confused by my response so I expounded with the side note that very few things depress me enough to watch MTV in bed whilst drowning myself in ice cream.

Dog Park

I'm going to try not to get into what I felt around 10pm last night. But it was bad. I knew it was coming. But it was bad.

Can we talk about Matheson instead? He came out 18 hours before the scheduled vote to say his would be NO. Really, Jim? You had to wait that long? Were you really undecided or were you just waiting for your master's command?

When he came out so late and with a NO, I just figured Pelosi had the votes she needed and would let some guys with hard-to-please mixed districts off the hook. When Pelosi needs him he sits up and begs like a dog. When she can get by without him, he is allowed off leash to vote as he will to keep his constituents dumb and happy. That way, he can come back in November and she can keep using him.

I'd like to think his vote was sincere but I'm just not buying it. How cynical am I? Could we please, pretty please, elect someone else this year?

SEE-ARE-UH DARLING

The blessed week is at our doors, my friends.

For those of you who somehow haven't heard, Ciara will be coming to town on Saturday. She will not arrive until the evening and I'm sure will need to catch up with her family and rest but after that I can't wait to get some best friend time.

Ciara, our thoughts will be with you as you drive all the way from Portland with three kids strapped in the back seat, one of them being a newborn. Wow. Are you honestly crazy? No, you are superwoman. All I can say is good luck with that.

Ciara said Kelli is also coming to town and Val, too! I can't wait to take the kids hiking, go lunching. And the talking. The talking! I watched old videos of us the other week and it reminded me just what great therapy the girls can be. And I can't wait to see Nora in person (very tiny person). I hope Anika warms up to Sage and Herbie and doesn't go hide in her room, per usual.

Have a safe trip. Don't talk to strangers. Check your tire pressure. Carry mace. And listen to your inner siren. We can't wait to see you!

I Have!

Have You Ever....

Lied about how many months you really have left because you are way too huge for your pregnancy?

Wiped your Cheeto fingers on your socks?

Turned the tears on for a traffic cop?

Didn't tell your hubby the real reason the house is a mess is because you took a HUGE nap?

Told someone you were on your way even though you hadn't even started your car yet?

Pretended you knew who someone was because you should have known them?

Pulled up your skirt to hike up your tights without realizing you were standing in front of a security camera?

Given someone a compliment you didn't really mean?

Eaten a candy bar so fast you didn't have time to register what kind of candy bar it was?

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I HAVE!

Not My Bumper Stickers

I can be long-winded. What? You've noticed?
Let's keep it concise by hearing me contest common bumper stickers.



Unless you're a fetus.
Unborn babies have no laws to protect them, but dolphins do.
(you just know how much we adore dolphins.)



ARM YOURSELVES and free Tibet.
(I got that one from my Dad.)








Yeah, every good (did you hear that... health care is a good, not a human right!) is rationed. The world isn't perfect. And the government will pick up right where HMO's leave off.




... so they can afford to do business and employ YOU.




Support our troops... Send more! So we can get the job done fiercely and quickly so they can come home.




The rich aren't stealing your pensions! pssst... here's a little secret: The government is borrowing money from pension funds, which haven't been fully funded for ages now anyways... thanks to the unions inflating them ridiculously. You mean all I have to do is work for five whole minutes and then retire in style at 55? What a sweet gig! I deserve it!



No, I don't want anarchy. Remember a little something called the Articles of Confederation? It didn't work. It was too close to anarchy. That's why our founders had a do-over and came up with a little something called The Constitution. It was just enough government to keep it from being Somalia, while still retaining our real human rights. They nailed it exactly in the right spot along the sliding scale from totalitarianism to anarchy.


I think about Mr. Sanchez every day. He was my eighth grade history teacher. Eighth grade, at least in California is the year you learn government. Remember those little cartoons depicting the little book labeled "Bill" and the arrows that sent it to the Senate and the House? Especially the last few days, I keep seeing those images in my mind.

But I also remember the checks and balances. I remember the "will of the governed". I remember "We the people". I also remember Blaine Sullivan, my first boyfriend that asked, "Will you go out with me?" (Remember when people used to 'go out' with one another?) He was in my history and art class and I lived for those hours. Maybe that's why I can remember it like it was yesterday? More likely, it just stuck.

Boy Scouts

Ever simultaneously purchased both of these boxes around day 29 of your cycle?
Prepare for the worst. Hope for the best.

Interpret 'best' and 'worst' whichever way you like; the meaning is not lost.

Remember during Snowmagedon in February and all the grocery stores in the northeast were emptying out? On the news were pictures of bare shelves and aisles with nothing but a few lonely grapefruits. That's what happens when it snows. In the wintertime!

I've always wanted to be off the grid. Even since I was fifteen and thought my world was eternal, untouchable. I want to move to the boonies, always have. You guys know this about me. But now I actually want to make it happen. I've had an awakening wherein I've realized Hey, I'm 30. This is my life. This is the thick of it so create your own reality. I want to shovel manure and grow basil, beyotches.

I hope for the best. I hope I don't ever have to go without. I especially hope I never have to witness Anika going without on account of my unpreparedness. Getting off the grid could be considered preparing for the worst. And it is. But it just so happens that's exactly what I've always wanted from life to begin with. It's a win-win. And it's time for me to make it happen.

Be prepared.