Good Times

My Daddy has paid the rent
and the insurance man is gone
and the lights is back on
and my uncle Brud has hit
for one dollar straight
and they is good times
good times
good times

My Mama has made bread
and Grampaw has come
and everybody is drunk
and dancing in the kitchen
and singing in the kitchen
oh these is good times
good times
good times

oh children think about the
good times

-Lucille Clifton

This old polaroid turned up at Cara's house recently and when I look at it I immediately think of two things. That poem. And This song.

This was the first time I was of age to go "out" with the big kids. I felt the same kind of elated inclusion as the first time big sister did a face mask and manicure with little sister. It was the first and last time we ever went out all together... all 5 siblings. It was the first and last time I ever got picked up on in a bar. I'm also pretty sure that week was the first and last time I ever had a tan. Why all so short lived?

From the moment I read that poem 10 years ago it has stuck with me. Somehow it captures that feeling... the feeling of the fleeting phases in life when everyone you love has it somewhat together and you can breathe for a moment. A few moments where worry and fear take a back seat to the "dancing and singing in the kitchen."

This photo was taken in Newport Beach at a bar the big kids used to go to, the Blue Beet. There was a live band that night. The band took a break and that's when the Social Distortion recording started playing. Those next few minutes have been a place I go to often. I can see it like it was moments ago. We were kicked back around a table and we started singing along at the top of our lungs to that song, and laughing. I see one moment in particular... the chorus, "take awaaaaaaaay, take away this ball and chain..." Alex was leaning back, smiling right at me, me smiling and laughing back, looking directly into everyone's glassy eyes...everyone raising a glass and singing along...

It is a precious moment to me. One that I cherish.

That song has always reminded me of that crazy night and it has come to mean a little too much. I try to avoid the depressing words and concentrate on that prayerful chorus. It has strangely always been sort of a prayer in my heart that I wail out loud to God on occasion...

take away
take away
take away this ball and chain
well, i'm lonely and i'm tired and i can't take any more pain
take away
take away
never to return again
take away
take away
take awaaaaay
take away this ball and chain

The ball of mortality.
The chains of sin, and dependence.
This is the nature of life, I know. But the prayer in my heart has always been to one day rest. One day rest from heavy weight and pain and bondage, like we did in that moment, and so many other moments... but I want it eternally. I want this for everyone I love. I want to one day rest, at peace, all together.

Together.

oh children think about the
good times