Right Now...
I'm just feeling so... like I'll never be paid what I'm worth. Quinn said he wanted to talk tonight. I was so excited, I dropped everything right away and gave him my full attention (Alana will know)... He told me he was thinking about how amazed he was that I drove to Cedar all that time, everyday, and took 20-25 credits a semester of heavy lit. stuff and still got a 4.0. He couldn't believe I had the drive to go back, start completely over, all while working special ed at the middle school and teaching dance at night.
I'm not trying to toot my own horn.... It's just that I remember how hard it was and has been and how hard I've worked... and
It just made me really truly sad.
I went to college for 10 years
Worked my ass off
saved my money
earned 3 majors and two separate Bachelors
spain, hoops, freshmen, hoops, MONEY, more hoops hoops hoops
walked away with perfect grades
...and for what????
I teach middle school kids who are completely self absorbed and have parents who will never appreciate the hours I spend or just how hard/tough/difficult it is to get their kids to write well... and then how painful and time consuming it is to grade their papers.
I feel like I have nothing to show for my time/my effort/my sacrifice.
Why did I do it? I'm not any further ahead then my friends are. Comparisons.
No one will ever know how hard it has been. How much push it took. How much determination I had to have. The late late late nights and early everything else.
...And certainly no one will ever pay me enough for it.
Not a sob story. Please don't write back about how being a mother is just like this. Remember, I'm the one who gave up years of motherhood for.... ??? Not regret, just...
I'm fine. I'm happy. It was just a really long, rough, uphill road and the view from the top isn't what it should be.
2 comments:
We did the SUU commute too - I remember seeing you up there.
So since I don't know ... why did you do it? What was pushing you to get all that schooling done & choose to be a teacher? What did you want to do instead?
How did you meet Quinn?
I need to know these things since I now stalk your blog.
Nicole, I have been perpetually amazed those 10 years! You are quite possibly the world's most determined woman. You deserve to feel shafted after all that work... a total emotional let down after years of build-up. Those little snot-nose brats should be kissing your feet. Plus, not only all that work but you are SUCH A GREAT TEACHER! Do they know how spoiled they are?
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